For fuck’s sake! I mean, holy fucking Janis on a fucking trike! I head off for a few weeks and the whole planet goes to hell in a handbasket! Banks are fucked but there’s been no better time to be a bank executive. Like the Irish one who bought 250,000 shares of his own bank two days before the government made a bail out payment, meaning that he pocketed a cool twelve million. In the true Irish tradition of either protecting our criminals or voting them into government, the crime not only went unpunished but wasn’t even recognised as a crime. So insider trading is no longer a crime?
I’ve loads to rant about; the presidential and vice presidential debates - the word “debate” is used really loosely these days, The global recession, RTE’s continuing spiral towards the bottom of the bottom of the barrel, being billed for services I’ve already paid for. The list is fucking endless so I’m going to start with something harmless.
Ok, I’ve just returned from Venice, which I heartily endorse to anyone looking to head off for a few days. Brilliant people - for the most part, delicious food, gorgeous women - and, according to Mrs P, tasty men also - great nightlife and a place so steeped in history and culture, you just can’t help going around the place in a constant state of awe. So, enough of the travel log.
Whilst sitting watching Italian TV, I saw an add for a fragrance by David and Victoria Beckham. I think it’s called intimate or intimacy or something. I’m sorry but is it just me or does Victoria Beckham look like a pencil with a pair of earplugs stuck just below the top and, as such, one of the least attractive women this side of Margaret fucking Thatcher? Don’t get me wrong; I don’t blame the celebrities for releasing these fucking perfumes, I blame the idiots who buy them? Fucking morons. P-Diddly, duddley, dopey, dunky - oh, whatever the fuck his name is this week - has a variety of scents on the market. You can smell like a fucking moron in several different ways with his brand of toilet water. You can smell like Jennifer Lopez. Sorry, she’s - J-Lo now, she’s no longer just Jenny from the block who used to have a little now she’s got a lot but she’s still she’s still Jenny from the block. Yes, her refusal to recognise words of more than one syllable led her to renaming herself J-Lo. She has a fragrance on the market so morons can smell like her detestable self. Yes, apparently if you want to smell like a fucking talentless parasite whose only distinguishing talent is not constantly falling over under the weight of her big fucking arse, you can spend your hard-earned on money on some crap to which she has lent her name.
Christina Aguilera has a fragrance out. I don’t know what it’s called but you’re a moron if you bought it.
Ok, so here are some well known people who, to my knowledge, haven’t put their own brand of perfume on the market with some interesting ways to advertise them. If you have any ideas, feel free to add them.
Bring out the killer inside. Smell like blood, putrified meat and bullshit with Pong of Palin.
Confused, stupid and dangerous? Delve into the known unknown knowns of the soulless. Buy Reek of Rumsfeld.
Blair For the man who wants to be a lapdog.
Look like shit, talk like shit, smell like Cowan.
You’re mean, you’re nasty, you like to kill people and fuck your relatives. You’re a cunt so why not smell like Bush.