Captain Purplehead

The worst argument I’ve ever heard in favour of an artist is, “well look at how much money they’ve made”. It is a sad indictment of modern society that we have become so enamoured with possessions that we exclusively equate success with wealth and now we equate talent to exactly the same thing. People who think like this are fucking muppets. Sorry, that’s an insult to muppets.
If you set out solely to make a billion euro and you make a billion euro, you’ve been successful in your endeavours. If you set out to join a boyband and make lots of money and you join a boyband and make lots of money, you’re a success but that does not mean you’re talented. Equally, if you set out to make a decent album, and you do make a decent album, you’re a success. You may not make any money on it but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you have been successful in your endeavour. Other artist set out to make an album that will sell well, and despite their success in doing so, it doesn’t always make them musically talented.
People also choose to call the things they don’t like, shit. I have a very real hatred of the guitar player Yngwie Malmsteen. I believe he has a skill, rather than a musical talent. I would never call him a shit guitar player because he knows his way around the fretboard like few others do. My problem is that, for some, the faster you play, the better guitar player you are. Music is much more than mere musical wanking though and a real musician is generous to those with whom they play and always obeys the melody. Melody is king in a decent song. That’s not just an opinion, it’s a fact. Without melody, you don’t have a song. The melody is what you engage with. You may prefer decent drum sounds or bass sounds or piano, guitar, sax, flute or fucking spoons. It doesn’t matter. If all you can hear is your favourite instrument zig-zagging all over the melody, you can’t properly engage with the song.
It’s like baking a beautiful Black Forest Gateaux and then smarming mustard, ketchup and vinegar over it and offering it to someone to eat. If you can scrape off all of the needless shit that has nothing to do with the cake, you may be able to enjoy the actual cake but the memory of all that shit taints it for you anyway.
You then come to people who understand that certain melodies and certain arrangements resonate with people on a strictly distractionary basis. In other words, if there’s a decent hook, the lyrics don’t matter at all. If it gets people dancing, the hook or the lyrics don’t really matter. This is where the likes of Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh come in. They take on people who will never be passionate about music but wouldn’t mind being famous and making a few bob. These people seldom rock the boat and, if they do, Simon and Louis can just destroy them and move on to someone else. They control what you hear on TV and radio and now they’re so tied into commerciality that you have the unheard of travesty of Paul McCartney appearing on X-Factor. If you’re on that piece of shit of a show, you get a wide audience.
It’s never about music on these shows. They give you songs that you know well and they ask poor, misguided Kim Kardashian wannabees to sing them. Even if they lose, they’ll still be mobbed for their three month career of opening chippers and hairdressers but will then invariably lapse back into oblivion.
These shows have nothing - absolutely fucking nothing - to do with music. These shows are all about making Simon Cowell wealthier. It is truly amazing that so many people buy into this show. This is the show that spawned Jedward. If you slag Jedward these days, people say, “ah can’t you leave them alone. They’re living their dream, fair play to them”. Well I’m sorry but weren’t these guys famous for having absolutely no talent? Yes, yes, that was it. They were shit. They were utterly embarrassing shit. They were also too fucking stupid to realise that they were shit so they just kept going until, Louis sold them as some sort of an act. Fuck me!
Look, music isn’t about making money. The people who make the best music are the people who got into it because of their passion for music. These are people who constantly strive and struggle and work and save to keep doing what they do because people like Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh will NEVER help them. With the amount of money those two fucking conmen have made from inflicting templated, syruppy fucking shit on the world, they should be obliged to help struggling bands.
In short, if you ever use the argument, “yeah, but look how famous they are and look how much money they’ve made”, you’re a fucking moron and should never speak again… about anything.
Here’s a guy who is utterly original. He put time, energy, talent, knowledge and passion into his craft. Yeah, he can dance across the fretboard with great speed but, when the song kicks in, listen to how he obeys the melody. Very unique talent. If this guy was to appear on X-Factor, Simon Cowell would explode in a ball of fecal matter and then reassemble himself, Terminator-like, and vote him off the show for not having mass appeal. I challenge you though to tell me this is shit.