Captain Purplehead

Ok, I’m not going to go through the mechanics of why Ireland is fucked because that’s been done, done and done again and there are a plethora of better informed and more qualified people from whom you can glean that information, should you want to. No, this is a short post about how pathetically stupid the general Irish public is.

Ok, in a nutshell, this is how we came to be a fucking joke of a nation. We fought the British Empire for about 800 years and they finally allowed us to have 26 counties out of 32. Eamon De Velara assassinated Michael Collins, the guy who probably would have called him on the criminal behaviour he was about to embark on and he became leader of the 26 counties of Ireland. So, as you can see, we started out with a criminal in charge and nothing has really changed.

So we find ourselves on the cusp of a boom and people who spent their free time looking down their noses at us common folk, rose to prominence in our banks. A friend of mine worked as a waitress in in a prominent Manhattan restaurant and she told me that she once waited on Sean Fitzpatrick and some of his buddies. She told me he kicked up quite a fuss about the service. Imagine, Sean Fitzpatrick telling someone how to do their job? The Irish people were so fucking stupid that we allowed people like Michael Fingleton and Sean Fitzpatrick to indulge in a bit of foreplay with us before the savagely raped us. They loaned all their criminal and criminally inept buddies oodles of cash so that they’d have something with which to wipe their arses and they never thought that, one day, it would all come crashing down around their ears. Well one day came along and, you know what? Fingleton and Fitzpatrick were right. It didn’t come down around their ears. It came down around our fucking ears. Ours, our children’s’, our children’s, children’s grand children and their kids’ kids…. oh you get the picture. The government bailed these fucking criminal bastards out and paid them off and saddled us, the tax payers, with an insurmountable debt. Now, I’m not going to go into the Golden Circle of patriotic billionaires who took out loans with Anglo Irish bank to, “help them out” and then, once the bank was nationalised, they no longer had to pay that back. Brilliant! We have to pay it back.
Look, this is all old hat and I could go into it in detail but this doesn’t accurately prove how utterly pointless, stupid and ridiculous Irish people are. The next point illustrates this quite well.

In an epidemic of bad government decisions and policies, the Green Party - (still a joke of a party in my humble opinion) - are trying to put through legislation which would see an end to certain blood sports. Bravo! Finally, here comes a good policy change that will show is in a positive light - for a change. The two disgusting blood sports they seek to ban are stag hunting and coursing. Stag Hunting is bad enough, and I’m sure I don’t have to explain what it’s about. It is a very British sport that still goes on in rural Ireland. For those of you who don’t know what coursing is, it is greyhound racing with a live hare. The winning dog, if he catches the hare, rips the little animal to pieces in front of a jubilant crowd of fucking morons. Now, coursing enthusiasts will ply us with all the same bullshit about the hare having a chance to get away and that, once it does, it’s free but this is bullshit. They are recaptured and used for another coursing event. This is barbarism for the entertainment of the moronic masses.

So, this proves that some Irish people are morons. Yes, but then you come to the fact that, although the average taxpayer has been arse-raped by fucking criminal and criminally incompetent fucking reprobates, we have given a couple of token protests and the government that helped us into this crisis is still in power. Take away barbaric and disgusting blood sports and the rural community come out en-masse demanding that this legislation is stopped. They say the government is taking away their way of life. Well, if coursing and shooting animals for fun is a way of life for you then it should be taken away! Ensure that generations of working class Irish people are reamed in the shitter with tax to pay back criminal bankers and politicians? Oh, go on then. Stop us killing fluffy bunnies? NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!! WE DEMAND THAT OUR RIGHT TO KILL BUGS AND BAMBI’S DAD BE PROTECTED!

Add to this that thousands of children have actually been physically raped by the clergy, yet our churches are full every Sunday. Fucking morons! Irish fucking morons! And, before you tear into me for slagging off Irish people or for being xenophobic; I’M FUCKING IRISH!
Bring back the Paddy Jokes, boys! They’re perfectly apt.

Midi files! If you hang around with real musicians, you’ll hear this term spoken with absolute disgust from time to time. For those who don’t know what midi files are, they are backing tracks. This means that any crusty ol dipshit can sing along to a track with the original vocal missing from it. Very much like karaoke really.
I’m a musician of average ability. I learned to play an instrument because I love music. I love the energy it infuses your every fibre with. I love the ease with which you can express joy, sadness or anger through an instrument. I love the shiver that a certain musical sequence can send up your spine. I love music with a depth and passion that I simply can’t explain. I love to play music. I love the feeling of being with a band, each member working on very different disciplines to bring a uniform whole to a piece of music. I love the sound of an excited audience appreciating what they’re hearing. I love the way a good band can turn an entire room and, and everyone in it, into a single pulsating ball of energy. I love music. It’s why I took the trouble to learn how to play an instrument.
I’m lucky enough to have played with some truly great musicians. I love observing them, feeding from them and occasionally even adding something to what they’re doing. These musicians are on the very top of their game. They are people who have become consumed by their ability. It is a joy to be on stage with some of these people and to share in their gift.
If you play music, you very likely know exactly what I’m talking about. The problem is that these musicians should be making a better living from their ability to bring utter joy into peoples’ lives. They don’t get to do that because too many crusty fucking shysters prefer to use midi-files. Some of these people have learned to play but obviously think little of their art. The majority of these fuckers have extremely limited musical ability, if any. These are the fuckers who stand in the corner of your local and sing along to cds. I like Steve Earle but, if he had to put up with Galway Girl as much as we have, he’d probably disown it. Every hack with a laptop sings this fucking song, along with various Garth Brookes and other assorted morsels of shit. THEY ARE NOT MUSICIANS!
The point is that the people who are hiring these fuckers are being ripped off. You could simply get one of your locals to sing along with a cd and they’d do just as good a job. Probably better.
Backing tracks have their place and it is in karaoke. I am overcome with a fucking homicidal rage every time I hear one of these idiots say, “Oh yeah, I’m gigging all the time”. It’s not a fucking gig, it’s turgid fucking nonsense! It reeks of sub-mediocrity. It genuinely irks me to see people singing along with these fuckers. They should not be there.
You might read this and feel that this is just a load of sour grapes. You might even assume that real musicians charge too much money and venues can’t afford them. You may even be of the opinion that real musicians have no interest in playing in small venues. I can honestly inform you that you are wrong on every count, if you believe this. This isn’t sour grapes, its genuine anger and disappointment that this kind of utter shit is allowed to pass as entertainment. If you tell me that you find these people more entertaining than going to see a real band, I’m afraid that says much more about you than it does about real musicians. I have seen some of the best musicians in the country gather for a session just because they want to play. Just because they’re off and they want to play. That speaks of a sadness and an admirable loyalty all at the same time. If there was any justice in the world, these guys would be playing too regularly to be able to come to a session just for the hell of it. It also, however, speaks of their tireless loyalty to their art.
I was recently booked to play at a venue and so I rang a bass player and a drummer and we were all set to go. On the day of the gig, I got a call from an astoundingly good guitar player asking if he could sit in because he was itching to play. As I arrived at the venue, my phone rang again and one of our best all round musicians asked me if he could play. He said his request was borne of a need to play that night. I naturally agreed to both requests because these are two people that any musician would want to play with. I agreed because they’re real musicians.
If you read this and you truly love music, don’t stand for people who use backing tracks. If you find yourself in a bar and one of these fuckers arrives, simply ask for the manager and tell him or her that you would love to stay in the pub but you can’t, in good conscience, listen to the shite they have hired to entertain their customers. If you have the number of a real musician on you, pass it to the manager and tell him or her that, if they want music in their venue, then they really should consider hiring musicians.

I’m beginning to wonder if Louis Walsh is really Satan or whether he is trying to point out how utterly stupid the public is.
I had nothing but that piece of shit paper, The Irish Independent, to read and, after reading about Lionel Messi’s mesmeric performance against Arsenal, I flicked through the other dross until I found an article about Jedward going on tour. Ok, correct me if I’m wrong but did they or did they not become famous for having no talent whatsoever? That being the case, why in the name of fuck would anyone put them on tour? In fact, even if they are on tour, why would people bother going to see them?
Moot points in an ideal world but Jedward’s tour has apparently sold out. WHAT? This makes absolutely no sense. Louis Walsh has picked out their set list. Yep, such is there immense talent, they don’t even bother to pick what songs they do. The list includes the Theme from Ghostbusters - for which they don rucksacks - Oops I did it again by Britney Spears, Bye bye baby by the Bay City Rollers, Jump by Van Halen and Pop Music by M. They should stick in the Milky Way song while they’re at it, you know that one about the red car and the blue car having a race. That fucking arse reaming reprobate, Walsh needs to put on trial for crimes against humanity. First they gave us fucking Boyzone, then came fucking Wastelife and now the famously untalented brothers. Why is this allowed to happen. What self-respecting teenager would bother going to see these fucking idiots.
If you’re one of these people who say, “ah but fair play to them. They’re making a go of it”, fuck off right now. Fuck off and put your head back in the fucking sand. Music is not a fucking toy. It’s important. If they suddenly decided to become doctors, would you say fair play to them? If they showed up at your door instead of your regular plumber and said, “we like totally wanna be plumbers. We like yeah like we like don’t know anything like about it but we totally wanna repair your leaky throne. Yeah, like totally”, would you let them get on with the job? No you fucking wouldn’t and, no, it’s not different.

1 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.

Ok, harsh, but fair enough. He the man. Yeah, I get it but what’s this about a house of bondage?

2 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.

Right, so he’s a jealous dude. Not cool but, hey, it’s understandable. If someone rains on my parade, I get pretty angry too. Not really getting into the meat and veg of things yet but be patient. These first two commandments are kind of pointless really but let’s continue.

3 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.

Ok, this is another pointless one. I’m great, don’t slag me off and chin anyone else who does.

4 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labour and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

Ok, now we’re getting into the good stuff. Firstly; if he hadn’t rested on the seventh day, he might’ve been able to get rid of that recessive, let’s rape a child gene that pervades so many of his followers. What’s all this about male and female servants? The commandments were “given” to a guy who was fleeing through the desert; where the fuck would he or anyone in his company make enough money to employ a staff?

5 “Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

Ok, that’s fair enough. My parents are sound out. I honour them whenever I can and I certainly don’t need to be commanded to do so as it comes from my love of my family.

6 “You shall not murder.

What? You should tell that to some of the Christian Brothers who have been responsible for quite a few unmarked graves. Decent people don’t kill or rape each other and, again, have no need to be commanded in this respect.

7 “You shall not commit adultery.

What about Kidultery? I mean, you’re not allowed to shag someone who is with someone else. That’s fair enough, although, with a few pints, it can happen. Why can’t there be a commandment to honour the child. Honour and respect the innocent and under absolutely no circumstances should you rape or otherwise abuse them. I don’t think I’d break the seventh commandment if someone was to shag my wife. I’d be pissed off but, as I’ve already stated, I’m a decent person and it would take a lot to drive me to kill. If, however, someone was to rape my child, I’d feed him his genitals before slowly killing the fucker.

8 “You shall not steal.

Quite a broad statement really. What about stealing someone’s innocence? What about stealing someone’s physical and mental well being through constant barracking, abuse and rape? What about stealing land from underdeveloped countries? What about stealing art and other sundry treasures from people who have nothing? If the God that the Catholic Church reveres should visit the Vatican, would he see no evidence of this history of theft?

9 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

Good one. What about threatening people to keep quiet about priests who have raped them or their children?

10 “You shall not covet your neighbour’s house; you shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour’s.”

There he goes with the servants again! Obviously not a realist then. Right, so you can’t covet your neighbour’s house, wife, servants, cows or his donkeys. Nothing there about children but I suppose that just falls under the “anything that is your neighbour’s” category. Maybe that’s the small print that has meant that so many priests have gotten away with raping children. Maybe that’s why numerous bishops decided to move child abusers to other parishes rather than turn them into the authorities.

Ok, so the commandments were Moses’ thing but we were still taught then in school and it is, in basic terms, what Catholics are supposed to adhere to. In fact, most Catholics do adhere to these principles - well not the statue thing. I mean that’s just silly; what about the Oscars. Most Catholics adhere to these basic tenets because most Catholics are decent people who have been deluded by the very people who are charged with distribution and protection.
The Vatican insists on insulting us with these pathetically defensive outbursts like comparing criticism of the church to anti-Semitism and claiming that people who talk about Pope Ratzo’s own guilt in covering up a child rape case is simply indulging in petty gossip. Well child rape is NOT petty and the FACTS of which people speak are the fucking TRUTH!
Here’s the thing. I have nothing against people who have faith in God. I have my own beliefs and I choose to keep them to myself because faith is something that gives people hope in a hopeless world. I would never degrade somebody for believing in the same God the Catholics believe in. Ok, a galactic overlord who killed people in volcanoes as a kind of population control exercise is taking it way too far and scientology is nothing but a scam anyway. In many ways, the catholic belief is just as ridiculous but I’m a lapsed catholic and I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty.
The main rule of thumb is that fear is the most powerful persuader and that is what many religions have used throughout history. You must believe because, if you don’t, you could be standing at a bus stop, minding your own business and wondering if Moses might have actually carved those tablets himself, when you’re suddenly and unceremoniously struck down by lightening.
I’m definitely not trying to tell people not to have faith and not to believe in God. I would never do that. What I am asking is that, as much as we possibly can, we keep writing and spreading the word that the Vatican and its hierarchy are corrupt, evil people. People need to stop worshiping the Pope. Where does it say in the bible that we even need a Pope? We should not stop until those responsible for covering up crimes of child rape and those who actually raped or otherwise abused children are JAILED. These people either took part or, by act of omission and concealment, are complicit in the crime of raping children. I mean, think about that. How evil and deranged must you be to want to rape a child? How evil must you be to look into a child’s terrified eyes and beat that child anyway? There can’t be any love and compassion in these people. They belong behind bars or under the grass.