The Kipper is being Attacked
For some reason there is an Irish Independent left on the Thirsty Kipper every morning. Not only that but it’s a current edition. Neither I nor any of me shipmates have asked for free chip wrapper every morning and I have no idea how to stop it from happening. Ever since the marimba incident, I have expressly forbidden the ferrying or use of shit aboard the Kipper and now this paper turd is deposited onboard every morning. I’m not fucking happy, people! If I need to wipe my arse, I’ll use toilet paper or a kitten, I absolutely do not need this piece of shit posted at me. I know I’m not paying for it but I don’t want it anywhere near the Kipper. For those of you who feel I’m being unfair, I have perused it to see if it has elevated itself above the level of the average sewer rat and I can assure you it hasn’t. There is still a story and accompanying picture of Katy French every day. Her death was tragic but I think it’s time she was left to rest in peace.
So, if there is anyone who is involved in this unprovoked attack on the Kipper or knows someone who is, please cease and desist before I’m forced to retaliate.
I feel your pain Cap’n. luckily Im anchored so far from shore that even the limerick post couldnt reach me by harpoon, which is good cos it’s got to be about the most insipid (are there varying leveles of insipid?) waste of paper since george w’s birth cert.
maybe you should forego the bunk some night after a few rums and lay in wait for the perp…
ADO
Comment by ADO — February 29, 2008 @ 11:33 am
Aye, a novel idea. However, if the Irish Independent is responsible for me having one night off the rum, the war I will rage will be epic.
Comment by captainpurplehead — February 29, 2008 @ 12:42 pm
oh sweet jesus NO Cap’n, I said forego the bunk NOT the rum. have we lost all semblance of reality?
ADO
Comment by ADO — February 29, 2008 @ 6:30 pm
You’re surely not suggesting that you actually handled the thing, are you?
Comment by Bock the Robber — March 3, 2008 @ 10:37 pm
Hey dude… been a while… Dunno whether you heard or not but I’m joinin the ball and chain gang. I decided to document the process of getting attached to said appendage and so started a blog on it. Let’s see how long I can keep this one up!!!
Talk to you later dude…
T
Oh and by the way, The Indo’s a rag. I wouldn’t line my hamsters arse with it… if I had a hamster… and if it had an arse that needed lining… hello? yes? ah, great. I was just looking for the surreality bus actually…
Comment by Tady — March 4, 2008 @ 12:47 am
recycle the paper or collect them and dump on the publisher’s dek or failing that the local distributor. or get one of those machines that rolls junk mail/newspapers into firelogs, sugar!
Comment by savannah — March 4, 2008 @ 11:10 pm