Captain Purplehead

My trusted reporter, Pablo, has brought me this clip from a Bush press conference.

Elvis on a fucking bike, he’ll kill us all.

Imagine being in New York when the World Trade Center was attacked. Imagine seeing that first plane go into the tower and being horrified at this terrible accident. Imagine staring up at the carnage and seeing the second plane fly in. I’m sure there would be a few moments of confusion before you realised that this is an attack. Now, imagine that you immediately get past the horror and formulate a plan where you get a lot of positive attention.
Whadafu, Cap’n? Let me explain. It seems that Tania Head - co-founder of the World Trade Center Survivors’ Network - isn’t all that she once seemed. Ms Head claimed she had been badly burned on the 78th floor of the South Tower and that a man died whilst trying to help her. She also claims that a dying man gave her his inscribed wedding ring, which she duly returned to his widow. In addition to this, she claims her husband/fiancé - it changes based on her mood, apparently - died in the North Tower. Being interviewed about her experience, she said, “It was like King Kong had come up and basically taken a chunk out of the north tower.” I don’t remember King Kong actually eating the Empire State Building but, ok, it’s an analogy. She also said, “Black smoke was billowing out into the blue sky. It was such a contrast; I’ll never be able to forget it.” Yes, a little dramatic. If the only thing you’re going to remember when you’re on the 78th floor of one of the most recognisable buildings in the world and that building is burning beneath and above you, you can deal with anything.
Y’see, it is alleged that Ms Tania Head was never in the WTC. Her stories have not been confirmed. I fervently hope that this is not the case because I just can’t fathom the depravity of someone using such a tragedy for personal gain. Miss Head states that she has done nothing illegal and that she didn’t claim any compensation or take payment for any of her work. Well that’s hardly the point, Tania. I’ll get to that in a bit.

Do any of you remember someone called Beverly Allitt? Beverly was a nurse in the children’s ward of a hospital. This ward had an unbelievably high death rate. Beverly Allitt suffered from a condition called Munchausen’s by proxy. It is a mental illness which drives its sufferers to extraordinary lengths to garner sympathy and attention. Are there any alarm bells ringing here, Tania? Ok, you might say that there is a major difference between what Tania is alleged to have done and what Ms Allitt got up to. Allit killed children in her care so that she could be seen to be involved in trying to save them and ultimately pitied when they died. She showed no remorse at their deaths, which is a symptom of Munchausen’s. Tania is alleged - I say alleged because I dearly, dearly hope that these allegations prove to be groundless - to have taken a giant shit on the memory of those who lost their lives, survived and lost loved ones when the World Trade Center was attacked. It is a despicable act, if it is true but I’ll bet you that Tania actually believes it’s ok because she was actively involved in helping people. No, Tania, if it’s true; it’s disgusting.

Many people crave attention. We all know someone who just has to butt in to just about every conversation. Celebrities just hop in and out of rehab when their star is fading. Of course, they have to invite the paparazzi along. Others play the drama-queen - now they are pathetic. You then have others who are far more sinister. If these allegations are true, Tania’s actions will prove to be a milestone in depraved behaviour in a world full of it. To assume the position of someone who has suffered when you haven’t is sad. To assume the position of someone who has suffered along with people, who have actually suffered and died, is criminal. Tania might not think she has done anything illegal but I think she’ll find that she’s mistaken.

Tania has been dismissed from The World Trade Center Survivors’ Network. The New York Times claim that there is no number listed under a Tania Head anywhere in New York. They also claim that Tania’s real name is Alicia. This is truly a sad development in an already impossibly sad story. How many people have stolen and shat on the memory of September 11th? George W has certainly used and abused the memory of it for the furtherment of his own sick agenda and now it seems that someone in whom genuine victims sought comfort was indeed a charlatan.