Captain Purplehead

I must start by apologising to Bock The Robber. He has a brilliant post about this but I just couldn’t let it pass without giving my tuppence worth. I am talking, course, about the petition for a pardon for the empty vessel that is Paris Hilton. Feel free to click on the link to see it for yourself. The opening gambit reads as follows:
“Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives. “
So, in order to garner support for Pisshead Paris, the author of this piece of shit tells us that our lives are pretty meaningless. Not to worry, you can always bask in the reflected glory of a shambling airhead slapper like Paris Hilton. When you read on, you discover that they are quite bitter about the plethora of celebs who got away with similar infractions but I’ll let you read it for yourself.
Now, a petition is normally a free document with which you can lend your support to a cause with which you agree. In order to sign this petition you are required to make a donation. Y’see Paris needs all the money she can get. It’s like the time she accidentally filmed herself shagging her boyfriend and it accidentally got published on the web. Paris knew she couldn’t stop it so she decided to earn money for it. Now she is trying to make a few more bob from her imminent imprisonment and no doubt, there are quite a few idiots who will part with their cash for the love of Paris.
In the interests of fairness I will now go through some of the things that Paris has done to enrich our lives: ……………………………………………………………………………………… Right… erm…. ahem… I … she …. Ok, fuck that, she’s done absolutely nothing to enrich our lives.
Paris: “Daddy, I want a fucking Bentley so I can drive to and from parties while I’m off my face.”
Mr Hilton: “Ok honey.”
Paris: “Daddy, I want to make and album.”
Mr H: “But honey, you can’t sing.”
P: “I WANT TO MAKE AN ALBUM!!!”
Mr H: “Ok Honey.”
P: “Daddy, I want an expensive dildo with a vibrating clitoral attachment.”
Mr H: “But we got you Nicole Richie”
Yes, she brings beauty and excitement to our mundane lives. Fuck of Paris. Fuck off to jail, you vacuous piece of shit. Who fucking cares about this spoiled little fucking tart? What has she done? What has she fucking done? If you are a fan of Paris, you are well on your way to becoming a waste of fucking oxygen.
“She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world.” Yeah she provides me with the hope that she goes to fucking jail. Hope? HOPE? If you rely on Paris Hilton to provide you with hope, you have no fucking hope. You are, in fact, fucking hopeless!!!
The price of this fucking idiot’s wardrobe could feed a decent sized country for fuck’s sake and people actually like this twat?
Another thing she’s done is encourage cruelty to animals. How many other stupid spoiled slappers have taken to carrying their dogs around in their handbags because of the trend set by this hairless monkey? I tried to fit my St Bernard in my laptop bag but he just wouldn’t go in, which proves that they don’t actually like being a fashion accessory. Maybe she’ll fund a new breed of dog with handles instead of legs and a handy pouch into which you can put your make up. FUCK OFF, PARIS!!!!!
I suggest that, since the Limerick Hilton has been opened, that she serve her sentence in Limerick prison. She’ll be allowed to keep her mobile phone and she’ll be able to watch all the TV she likes.
Really, in a world that is being flushed down the cosmic toilet, do we really have to read about vacuous nobodies like Paris fucking Hilton?
I’m running a petition via the comments section of this blog to change her sentence to fifty years of obscurity. It will be a crime for any publication to print her name or carry her picture. She will no longer be heard of and she can just sit at home and shag the help. My petition, unlike Paris’, is free and you can sign it as many times as you like.