Captain Purplehead

Dogs are amazing creatures. When you have a bad day and it seems the whole world is against you, the one member of your family who’s always glad to see you is your dog. They have such a capacity for affection. The dog in the picture is a particularly affectionate dog but she was found abandoned and starving, wandering around the streets of Limerick city. The abuse she suffered is nothing short of disgraceful. When my girlfriend and I picked her up from a Limerick Animal Welfare volunteer, part of her eyelid was missing and she was distrustful of people. She is still distrustful of people and who could blame her. She was fucking abused by people. What is it about this country and our capacity for cruelty? It’s fucking pathetic! People found to be abusing animals should be locked up because - given the chance - who’s to say they wouldn’t do the same thing to a child.
Animals share our planet. Now I know that most of you think that they are there to serve us and, if there’s no cruelty involved, why not. They do not deserve the treatment they get from fucking knuckle-dragging idiots who are as much use to this planet as a fucking discarded banana peel. What kind of a kick do people get from cruelty? Of course, it’s tolerated in Ireland. We still have coursing clubs in this country who use live hares. Pathetic fucking morons. People are fucking up this planet not animals. People put a hole in the ozone layer. People go to war. People fucking kill eachother. Animals serve only their instincts and, for some, their instinct is to trust humans.
Now it seems that some idiots have “sacrificed” a dog in county Wicklow. Yes folks, you heard me, some collection of fucking knuckle-dragging twats bludgeoned a dog to death before slitting its throat so that they could feast on its blood. They erected an altar and went about worshipping whatever sick fuck they have chosen to worship. YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!! If anyone has information about these fucking pricks, let me know in the comment section. I promise I will not publish your comment unless you specify that you want me to. What I think we should so if we find these reprobate fucks is to let some Alsatians feast on their genitals. What kind of fucking deranged idiot does this? It’s one thing worshipping a cult because you think it’s cool; it’s quite another to pick on a defenseless animal to prove your loyalty. I won’t say that these people are evil because, to be truly evil requires some form of intelligence - insanity too. The people that did this are quite simply idiots. Imagine gaining a dog’s trust - which is easy with an animal known to be affectionate - and then beating it to death. These people do not deserve to breath the same air as the rest of us. They should be locked away with their crayons and granny porn never to see the light of day again.
Apparently; people who fall easily into cults based on cruelty, do so because they feel inadequate sexually. It seems that years of staring at their toes and seeing no obstacle in the way drives one to anger. So there they are, jerking off with their microscope and tweezers while someone covers them in the blood of a defenseless, trusting animal. Women who get involved in these cults are normally a let-down to their gender. Or maybe their so frustrated with the male cult members’ inability to fully penetrate their rancid, flaccid labia that they have to take it out on something. Am I being too harsh? I’m not being harsh enough on these fucking primate dickheads.
Our useless government gives miniscule aid to animal welfare groups and there is no legislation set up to deal with people who are cruel to animals. This is typical of a country whose economical growth scarcely disguises the fact that we are still a backward nation. I don’t condone violence but, should any perpetrators of cruelty to animals or children find themselves to be victims of violence, it would not cost me a moment’s grief.

So George W. today made his thirteenth visit to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Bra-fucking-vo George. I mean, had he not been so reticent in the first place, there may not have been so many victims. He could visit seventy seven times and it doesn’t take away from the fact that he just doesn’t give a monkey’s bollox. He was into Afghanistan a lot quicker than that. It really goes to show the gulibility of the American voting public that this fucking jack-ass got a second term. Hey, Tom Cruise is going to have loads of time on his hands now, maybe he’ll run in the next election. Tom believes that scientologists are being discriminated against. Aw Tom; how could you think such a thing? I mean, scientologists are such a lovely bunch of people. Ok, you have to be mega-rich, stupid, completely devoid of reason and have a natural disbelief about world history but that’s no reason for scientologists to be discriminated against. To be honest; I only discriminate against them because I think they’re all a shower of fucking idiots.
I know, I know; this rant is losing direction. I start of giving out about George Wanker Bush AGAIN and then start going on about the dimuntive ex-king of Hollywood. Well I’m sorry people but it seems to me that the cracks are begining to show in so many American institutions and I’m just happy to point them out to people. Good ol’ Mel shows his true colours in a drunken rage recently. Yes Mel Gibson isn’t strictly American but he may as well be.
The point of this rant is not new to me or you. I am harping on about Irish society’s fascination with all things American. Are we that bereft of original thought that we must cling to a culture that is purile and clearly in decay? Am I like… sooo… totally out there on this?
Ok, maybe I’m just an old pirate who’s out of touch with the youth of Ireland but, if that’s the case, I’m fucking glad to be a thirty something. I am fucking thrilled that I don’t have to feel pressured to talk like a fucking surf-dude. I’m glad that I don’t feel the need to look at the myriad “celebrity” magazines in order to find out what I should be wearing and saying. I am fucking elated that I don’t think of my image in terms of how American I can sound.
When are people going to understand that America is no longer the land of freedom. I could understand people gravitating towards a culture that is truly free but America is not that country. There are reading groups in America who have been investigated because of material they have discussed. As is patently illustrated by the Bush administration’s inaction to the victims of Hurricane Katrina, they don’t even give a fuck about their own people. America is one of the top poluters of our atmosphere. Not only does America have one of the highest murder rates in the world, it has the highest suicide rate. Think about that. For every person murdered, two people kill themselves. Paradise? I think not. Yes you have the freedom to top yourself in many different ways in America but that is where the freedom ends. Freedom exists only for the people who can afford it. That’s the truth of America. It is no secret that this has come to light more clearly in the last six years. The fact is that America has been Bushwhacked. Osama Bin Laden is an evil prick with an alleged Whitney Houston fascination but he could not have asked for a better propoganda tool than George W Bush. I bet he’s glad he didn’t pick a target in Louisiana because George would have probably deemed it a mercy killing. America have given us some great art, some great films, some great music and some genuinely inspired thinkers but that’s not what America is known for now. Bill Clinton may have had his faults but the man could speak. Iraq is disintegrating into civil war but we don’t get an honest view of that. Afghanistan is still in a state of turmoil but that is just brushed under the carpet. The only time you hear what is really on George’s little brain is when he thinks nobody else is listening. He is a proven racist but he is still in power and I’m willing to bet that the next president will be a republican too because they’ve got the funds baby.
Anyway, I’ve now truly lost the direction of this rant. This is not meant to be an anti-american rant because I believe that America can be great again with the right leadership. This is anti-what america has become.

Sorry, this post has little to do with Shrek but, for those of you who felt a glimmer of hope for a second sequel, I can tell you that there are plans for at least two more Shrek movies and the Shrek III is in pre-production. This post is about an observation that my father made while watching Shrek with my nephew. Lord Farquat says, when sending his troops out on a dangerous mission, “Some of you may die but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.” This statement is used to portray Lord Farquat’s reticence towards the lives of the people he governs and to expose his evil nature. Now what is the difference between Lord Farquat and Bush and Blair? Apart from the fact that he is computer generated, there is really no difference. Ok, I know that not all of them live in their own fairytale worlds but Lord Farquat kind of does. He believes he’s sexy… So he doesn’t live in such an elaborate fairytale world as Bush and Blair do but the similarities are still there. The most important one being his willingness to send his own people to their deaths for personal gain.
Does anyone remember when Labour was a left-wing party? It seems so long ago doesn’t it? I mean, how can you go from left-wing politics to fascism in the blink of an eye? For years Blair hid his real politics from the public behind his toothy smile and warm public persona but now his secret is out and he is losing popularity points hand over fist. This is why I think that it’s possible that these terrorist threats are maybe not as serious as they were made out to be. Even the wording evokes fear: “The terrorist alert has been down-graded to severe.” What could possibly worse than a severe threat? This is not to say that the threat of another terrorist attack in London is not a very real possibility - I believe that it’s only a matter of time before London is struck again - but the timing of the latest terrorist threats seem a little too perfect. The world has seen how efficiently these threats were dealt with and they say, “Fair play to Blair”. Am I being a little paranoid? I believe that they got a major whiff of a plot to blow up or hijack planes and blew the whole thing out of proportion to garner public confidence which has been lost because of the illegal invasion of Iraq. It’s also funny how this happened just as there was a public outcry for Britain and America to stop arming the Israelis. Major brownie points were lost because of the refusal of Bush and his lapdog to genuinely condemn the actions of Israel. Ok; so maybe I’m not being as paranoid as you first thought. Still, it’s a bollox of an inconvenience to subject your own people to. I really don’t believe that Blair sees it that way though. I believe that the obvious Ivory tower approach by Bush and Blair would preclude even the first seed of guilt to take hold. “We need to find a lasting peace in the Middle-East.” This is a line used by Bush and plagiarized by Blair. A lasting peace? Hhmm; let’s explore that statement for a second. What causes war? Hatred, sectarianism, commerce… Ok, so we can’t stop people from hating eachother but is there a way we could stop the needless carnage? So you can’t stop people hating eachother; how can you stop them killing eachother? Wait… I… I think I have it… STOP SELLING THEM FUCKING WEAPONS YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!
One of the wealthiest independent arms dealers in the world is a playboy in London. It has been alleged that the much put upon Heather Mills blew him for a couple of grand a few years ago. This fucker is a fucking London Socialite! You see; the British and American governments allow independent arms dealers to go about their business because they supply arms to small countries that they can’t be seen to arm. Said K Aburish lives in London and claims to be the man that helped America and Britain to arm Iraq. The interview apparently took place beside his indoor swimming pool. The only countries that have a record of pursuing and imprisoning independent arms dealers are Italy and Germany. The world’s largest arms dealers however, are still America, Britain, France, China and Russia. These countries are also the five permanent members of the U.N SECURITY Council. America and Britain have been arming - openly or covertly - every fucking tin-pot dictator from Saddam Hussein to Mavis the angry fish wife for fucking years! Am I still paranoid?
I believe that terrorism cannot be defeated but that we should never shirk our responsibility to try to defeat it. Suicide bombers are amongst the most curious. They believe that they will be rewarded in the after life with seven virgins. Well lads, after your first day, they’re just seven slappers so where do you go from there? Terrorists are cowardly, evil and deranged people who have no sense of moral responsibility. That makes Bush and Blair terrorists. Why is the west hated so much? Because the west keeps supplying guns to impoverished countries and those guns kill people. They do this so that they can tap into the natural resources of these countries. If a kid sees his family wiped out by British and American guns can we really blame that kid for taking up arms against them? Muslims have become victims of hate-crimes because of the rhetoric coming out of the Whitehouse and Downing Street. The vast majority of Muslims are peaceful and devout people who don’t condone terrorism.
Maybe the terrorist threat was as real as they said but don’t take it at face-value. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. It takes an intelligent man to use power for good so why do we keep electing idiots? George Bush can’t even string a coherent sentence together. Ronald Reagan once said; “I’m proud to be here in Lima because Brazil has taught us so much.” He was speaking in Bogotá. Maybe he was trying to unite Peru, Brazil and Columbia. Of course, the Reagan administration was largely run by Oliver North who dealt directly with some of the most insipid independent arms dealers. My point is that we are supposed to trust our elected officials. They are supposed to take care of us. What Blair and Bush have done is put us in mortal danger. Our own Irish government is too spineless to distance themselves from America and Britain so Shannon is a very real target too. Voting is important but you should spoil your vote. Hang the government so the internal bickering turns into something more productive: cooperation.
Anyway; roll on Shrek III because we need a laugh.

My apologies for my absence. I had the misfortune to break my arm. I know there are those of you who are hoping it was as a result of my rantings but, much as I hate to disappoint, I simply fell off the rigging while hoisting the main sail… YAARRRR YAAARRRR!
Anyhoo; I have noticed that the crapfest that is Big Brother has finished. I managed to sneak a peek at the last week and I can only say; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN WATCHING!! For the love and honour of all that is decent! The snippet I saw involved what can only be the inspiration behind Beavis and Butthead. A guy with some kind of a blonde rat on his head and a girl, who looked like she sat on a fucking pick-axe when she was five and has since been unable to remove the look of horror from her face, were lying in the back yard giggling. “hee hee hee hee” “heh heh heh heh” “heeheehee heee” “heh heh heh heh” For fuck’s sake people!! Is this what so many of you have spent your summer watching?? I have tried to avoid it but you just can’t. It’s fucking impossible!
The public’s addiction to watching a group of morons in a fucking house is beyond me. And don’t try this “oh but it’s fascinating to watch people interacting in this kind of environment.” BOLLOX!!! You could put monkeys in there and they’d be fucking miles more entertaining. It will inevitably kick off again next year and there will be a plethora of inane fucking reality shows in the interim. You’ll have celebrity Big Brother. Now there’s a fucking laugh. You have a group of people who, for various reasons, have at some stage become known to the public sitting around and talking bollox. It is the province of the Z-lister but you’ll all rush home to watch the fucking thing and the tabloids will be filled with fucking nonsense stories about it.
You currently have something called “Love Island” with the ever-annoying Patrick Kielty as host. I haven’t even watched that pile of shit. Apparently the contestants are celebrities. Fuck em!
I have to say I like the idea though. Round up a load of fucking Z-listers and put them on an island in the middle of nowhere ostensibly for the purposes of a reality TV show and just fuck off and leave them there. Let them think that they are being watched by millions when in fact they are being watched by enormous, carnivorous shark-bears who haven’t had a bite to eat in days. We could call it “Celebrity Lunch Island.” Those pricks aren’t going to suspect anything because of their desperation to prolong their ill-deserved fifteen minutes of fame. Just imagine it: Louis Walsh, Linda Martin, Celia-Holman Lee, Ronan Keating, Brian McFatarse, Jodie Marsh, Jordan and a whole host of others arguing over who said that Ronan couldn’t sing while the beasts are lurking in the shadows. Now that would be a show I could get on board with.
Now, just before I finish, let me qualify something. Quite a few complaints have come into Purplehead HQ and the majority of them tell me that I am jealous because I don’t make as much money as these celebrities. Well, let me clear something up: I couldn’t give a fuck about money. You vacuousity does not decrease as your wealth increases - in fact, they probably increase in direct proportion to eachother. Ill-gotten gains are ill-gotten gains whatever way you look at it. Hitler accrued massive wealth as did Joseph Mengele, Stalin, Pol Pott and George W Bush. Do I hold back my criticism of those animals just because they are wealthy? Show me an impoverished drug dealer! Show me an impoverished arms dealer! I have already said that the truly great people in this world will never be measured by how wealthy they are. Truly great people are measured by their contribution to society. Stephen Biko, Mandela and their ilk all contributed to the cause of freedom without having wealth. Oscar Schindler gave away his wealth to free people. Don’t fucking give me this shit anymore. I invite all manner of comments and insults and I will approve all of them for publication but I will not entertain the “money” thing anymore. If you equate wealth to success, you are a moron. Anyhoo, that’s my ranting comeback. Take care of yourselves and try to make up your own minds. Don’t let greedy television networks and record companies do it for you.

Linda Martin??????? I repeat: Linda Martin??????? In the words that Johnny Logan wrote for her: “Why Me?” Why anyone? Why Linda Martin? We all know that the fat cats in RTE don’t tolerate creativity. They prefer to plagiarise the worst of British and american TV. I’m still waiting for them to start a sitcom called, “Two Pints of Stout and a Packet of Dry Roasted Peanuts.” I am willing to bet that they’ve considered it. Ridiculous? Do you really think so? Linda Martin??????? I repeat: Linda Martin??????? Who the fuck came up with the idea that Linda Martin - Linda Martin??????? I repeat: Linda Martin??????? - is capable of doing anything other than advertise life assurance? I subjected myself to the Karaoke-fest that is Celebrity X-Factor and, apart from deepening my absolute hatred for the talentless opportunist that is Louis Walsh, discovered his octoenarian colleague.
Linda Martin is a cabaret singer. Like Ronan Keating; she has made a fortune out of pitching her tent firmly in the middle of the road. OK, maybe she’s not eighty, but she certainly looks like someone who has found the font of eternal youth in the office of a plastic surgeon. The first thing that struck me about the oul bint was he “don’t fuck with me” attitude. Rest assured Linda; nobody in their right mind would want to fuck with you, on you or in front of you. You’ve probably had so many lifts that cunnilingus is performed on your scalp, which - in a real sense - makes you a total cunt.
Am I being harsh? NO!! Linda Martin circulated her own brand of cliched crap on the same circuit as such musical giants as Red Hurley and Brendan Grace. In the view of RTE; that qualifies her to judge what we will be assaulted with. Music is dead and Louis Walsh has a lot to do with it. Linda Martin is trying to be the hermaphrodite version of Simon - wanker - Cowell. What she actually is is a failed shop assistant. I do not claim to know anything about her personal life. I don’t care! She is a part of a triumvirate of idiots who have been given the task of identifying talent when they can’t even identify their own lack of integrity.
Oh… hang on… Linda won the Eurovision song contest with a song penned by the musical genius that is Johnny Logan. So she has contributed …. FUCK ALL … to the world of music.
To add insult to dreary; Twank - sorry - Twink has been coaching the celebrities in how to sing. Now there’s a turnip for the books. Twank - sorry - Idiot; has been plying the same formulaic trade since William Wallace sacked Leeds and, when one poor twat decided to crack a joke about her, Linda lost the rag - not that she’s needed one in about fifty years - and savaged the poor talentless wretch. “Don’t slag my friend Twat - sorry - Twidiot; she’s a professional. A professional what? Showbands were the enemy of music and, like a republican fascist, they have spread their disease upon our adoring, idiotic public. If you were to put a “dum chacha” beat to the laughing policeman, you would get to number one in the charts. Doubt me? I give you; “A pizza a pizza a …” or “I’m a barbie girl”. Yes Linda, you and your massive cock are a part of the deconstruction of musical creativity.
I’m quite drunk at the moment - as you can probably tell from the myriad misspellings that I have no intention of editing out - but I felt it necessary to deride the only Irish woman to rival Celia Dipshit Lee in terms of vacuousity.

Not only am I a pirate; I am a selfless televisual masochist. I watch shit that annoys me so that I can rant about it. I am pathetic. I was just about to watch Downfall - which is probably the most honest and damning testomony of Hitler’s insanity - but, whilst in the process of inserting my DVD into the ever willing DVD player, I noticed a sitcom that was aired on one of the many pointless channels I have. T’was an offering entitleds “Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps”. Had it been written by the unfortunately late Douglas Adams; I would have abandoned all thoughts of watching an earlier incarnation of George Bush. It is, however, a damning indictment of modern television. It - I think - is trying to be comedy but I’m not quite sure because it is a testament to the belief that the public are idiots. Of course, it does have the canned laughter track to alert us to the punchline because we’re idiots. It is one of the many ” Why did the chicken cross the road” comedies which have been plaguing our screens between bouts of moronic reality TV and vacuous former soap opera star driven drama. This “comedy” is an insult to the intelligence of the average orange peel. It’s like a Ronan Keating single - predictable, cliched and fucking disgusting.
A decent comedy needs to be well written; everything else is an excercise in sub-mediocrity and this particular “comedy” doesn’t even reach the latter category’s heady heights. It is an insult but it is also an education. Two pints of excrement and a packet of puke is pitched as a comedy that appeals to “the common man”. Well, unless the “comm0n man” is a right wing, soccer hooliganistic, worm’s toenail, then this has missed the mark in a way that would make Donald Rumsfeld seem like a literary genius. It is based on a paper-thin “storyline” which encourages the most banal one-liners. “You’re like a bulemic with no fingers”. Funny? Absolutely not when you consider that not one member of the cast can pinch an inch. Who the fuck do they think they are? Well it’s quite simple; they don’t think, they just pick up their wages in the knowledge that they will never be anything more that shit.
Being born at the arse-end of 1969, I only became truly aware of myself during that rancid decade that was the eighties. In the eighties we were subjected to more plastic shit than Jordan from the hairline down. The one thing that kept us aware was the apparent threat of nuclear war. It seems like a joke now but, with Oliver North’s Ronald remote, it seemed all too possible. America had shown its true colours by reinstating Pol Pott - a dictator who murdered more innocent people than Stalin and Hitler put together. In the midst of all of this came an honest mini-series called “The Edge of Darkness”. It may not stand up to critical scrutiny now, but it certainly made me think about more than the length of my cock. Is there anything evocative on television now? No! Should any television executive be brave enough to try, they would be banished to television hell - or TV3 as it’s known to those of us unfortunate enough to stray into its realm of shite.
What we get now is disposeable entertainment. It’s there to desensitise us. It’s there to make us believe that there really is nothing to worry about. Television tells us that, even the most vacuous amongst us can become a celebrity.
How did a country like Germany fall under the spell of a lunatic like Hitler? Yes he was corrupt and his success came through underhanded means - but how did he persuade the German people to back his cause? Firstly; they didn’t know what he was really doing and, secondly, he stoked the emotions of a people for whom all hope had been vanquished - remind you of anyone?. He managed to convince people that he was right and it wasn’t difficult because the general public has no choice but to trust its leaders. Fifty million people died as a result of Hitler’s insanity. Between Prescott, George and George W Bush, one hundred and sixty million innocent people have died but we still call ourselves the civilised world, eventhough the death toll has not reached its total.
I know this rant started because of a pathetic sit-com but everything is relevant. If you truly want freedom; you need to re-evaluate your definition of it.
I’m off now because I have almost exhausted my supply of rum and I need to set sail for a new port.

Who the fuck is Eamon Dunphy? I mean, anyone who thinks that the RTE punditry is anything short of comical is off their game. He sits there with a smug expression on his face spouting shit about football when what he actually knows about the game could be written on the back of a stamp. I bought quite a lot of papers today because the Messiah has come to Villa Park. Y’see, I’m a pirate who bleeds claret and blue. Most of the articles I read about Martin O’Neill’s appointment were complimentary to both club and manager. One brilliant quote said, “Villa have replaced David Brent with Clark Kent”. Most papers agreed that Villa now seem to be on the way back from a quarter of a century of underachievement. The only one that profferred an alternate view was Mr Dunphy’s article in The Star. Not since the childish meanderings of Celia Holman Lee have I seen such a load of shite committed to print. Eamon feels that Martin O’Neill has made a grave error in judgement in taking on the Villa hotseat. Martin O’Neill has studied law at Queen’s University Belfast and has demonstrated time and time again what an astute and prudent man he is. He has also been given the opportunity to take an educated look at the set up at Villa Park and the possible rammifications of a takeover. Eamon approaches his opinion from a position of ignorance. By his own admission, he was a shite footballer and his views come as part of his position as devil’s advocate. When you decide to hold an opposing view, and indeed build a career on it, you limit yourself to a position of being wrong nine times out of ten. In Eamon’s case, he is normally wrong eleven times out of ten. He is “disappointed” that Martin O’Neill took the Villa job because he should be at a bigger club. Outside of Chelsea, United, Arsenal and Liverpool there is very little between the remaining clubs. Villa have every chance of progressing up the league with an honest, intelligent and established manager at the helm. Villa have the chance of being a big club so what the fuck is he talking about. When you manage Chelsea, you have an easy job. The proof of your ability is in the size of the challenge you take on and Villa is a huge challenge.
Duncey also points out that Martin might be saving himself for a bigger job. “He has to work I suppose” says Dunphy at his unbelievably most banal. O’Neill may indeed opt to go for the United job should it become available in a couple of years but that doesn’t take from the fact that he is at a big club now. United have won exactly one more European Cup than Villa - as have Nottingham Forest. Chelsea and Arsenal have won one less than Villa and Liverpool have won five. Newcastle don’t even have a trophy cabinet, Middlesborough have their only trophy on Steve Gibson’s fireplace and Spurs don’t seem to have the bottle for the big boys. Spurs and Villa will be the strongest of the also-rans in the next couple of years. They will be knocking on the door of the Champions League places. Now, if you took two guys and put one in charge of Chelsea and the other in charge of Villa and set them the task of winning the Champions League; which one would need to be the better manager. Mourinho is vastly over-rated because his team are awesome. Where’s the challenge? If you win anything with the current Villa squad, you’re a miracle worker and I believe that Martin O’Neill is a miracle worker.
As a Villa fan, I’m obviously delighted that Martin O’Neill is in charge but no one can say that it is the wrong job for him to take. Villa is a club with great potential and we have had a succession of managers who have wasted the opportunity to tap into that potential. I hear Petrov may be joining which will be great and there are rumours of a move for Gravesen too. A decent striker to partner Angel - not Baros - would signal a massive improvement. Every time David O’Leary opened his mouth, every Villa fan cringed in shame because we knew that he would come out with some kind of rubbish. In Martin O’Neill we have a manager who doesn’t make excuses because he doesn’t put himself in a position to have to do so.
The club will hopefully be sold but I take my hat off to Doug Ellis; he’s finally done something right. To be fair to him, he is leaving us with one of the best grounds in the Premiership and no debt. It is time for him to move on but I believe he can now do so gracefully.
As for Eamon; he can just swim back to the bottom of his bottle of JD and leave the rest of us to talk about football. He has done for football punditry what King Herod did for babysitting. Fuck off Eamon you wanker.
If you wish to abuse me about any of my views, please do so at steelestring@gmail.com

This is a short post in response to a couple of comments on Mel Gibson’s outburst not being news-worthy.
Thomas Fitzgerald and Festi have made the point that the idiot’s outburst should not be taking up so much news time. In America it is probably the biggest story because the American news networks don’t like to do war stories. The reason for this is that America are responsible for most of them - (unlike Mel’s assertion that it is the Jews’ fault). Since the Americans are actually arming Israel, it is obviously not prudent for them to devote too much time to covering atrocities perpetrated by the Israelis. The American news networks have said nothing of substance about the war in Iraq and I don’t expect them to start anytime soon. America are, afterall, denying that the country is in a state of civil war.
The rest of the world is giving a balanced view of the travesty in the middle east but that doesn’t mean that Mel’s outburst is not worthy of comment. It’s just this type of bigotted view that is at the root of hatred in the first place. To pass this story by without comment would mean that dear ol’ Mel would get away with making these comments unscathed and that would not be right. The damage to his reputation is deserved. If you read some of my other posts, you will see that I hold no sway with celebrity bullshit but bigotry is bigotry and it cannot be tolerated in any form. I don’t normally comment on anyone else’s posts and I do enjoy the aforementioned bloggers. So keep up the good work guys. I’m off to my cabin with a cask of rum and a fine wench.
Regards Cap’n P Yarrr me ol’ sea dogs Yyaaarrrrr!!!

So Ronan is back from his ill-conceived bid to conquer America. Apparently he went for an edgy, “darker” look. Yes Ronan; I’m sure you did. I can just see the duet with Slayer around the corner. I mean, when is this guy going to fuck off? His latest single is - you guessed it - a cover version. The video sees him on the top of a hotel in Dubai - I suppose he just wanted to connect with the common man by singing atop a hotel that very few can afford to stay in. There’s the usual arms out in the chorus in a kind of crucifition pose and a bit of spinning around to denote how happy he is to borrow and destroy the song. The song is a COVER of a Goo Goo Dolls song called Iris. I didn’t think too much of the original but Ronan has managed to plough it into the mire of cheese and … well… shit. The chorus proclaims that he doesn’t want the world to see him, he just wants us to know who he is. Well Ronan, firstly; If you don’t want the world to see you, don’t start doing your fucking Sean Connery singing impersonation on the top of a fucking hotel surrounded by a fucking camera crew. Secondly; we know who you are. You’re a fucking mincing tosser who never earned the right to even see the inside of a recording studio. You’re a fake fucking maggot and we all wish you would just go away.
Ronan has said on many previous occassions that he wants to be recognised as a serious songwriter and recording artist. Again Ronan, let me explain: To be a songwriter, you need to actually write a song. Now yourself and Robbie Williams and many other wankers seem to think that adding in a cliche or the word “Love” means that you co-wrote that song but you are wrong. Writing a song means that you actually WRITE the song. You sit at your piano or guitar… oh sorry Ronan, you’re not a musician. Ok, you sit at your table and hum a melody and then you WRITE lyrics that accompany and compliment that melody. Now don’t be mislead; stringing together a load of cheesey cliches does not a songwriter make. If you are borrowing lyrics from other cheesey songwriters, you are not a songwriter. Secondly; trawling through your many “Love Songs” compilations and picking your next single does not constitute artistic ability. Thirdly; if you want to be taken seriously, I hardly think covers of Garth Brooks songs are going to serve that purpose too well. In short; you’re a fraud and a sycophant and you have absolutely no fucking musical talent.
A few years back, Panorama did a documentary on corruption within the music business. They chose Edwina Currie’s daughter to go undercover. They set her up as a wannabe chart topper. She even got her kit off for the Sun to gain publicity. What they discovered was this: When a recording company like BMG decides that they want one of their artists to be a superstar, they simply buy the initial copies of the singles themselves. They buy enough to send their artist to No.1 and then all the kiddies think they are the next big thing. Getting to No.1, to be honest, never took a genius but it has occassionally been home to some genuine ARTISTS such as The Beatles, The Stones, U2, The Smiths, The Cure and David Bowie. A lot of truly great bands have never had a No.1 single because they don’t fucking care about being No.1. Louis Walsh is as corrupt as they come. You hardly think that Boyzone would ever have graduated from a shower of idiots prancing around the Late Late Show studio if he hadn’t been do you? Louis is a fucking worm. He is solely responsible for dragging real Irish talent back into the dark ages. If I ever have the misfortune to meet that fucking gimp, I will not be held responsible for the damage I will do to his putrid fucking smirking face.
Fairytale of New York is a modern classic. Professors of classical music have disected it and deemed it to be a work of musical genius. What does Ronan do? He FUCKING COVERS IT! How he was allowed to do this is beyond me but he did. Being the edgy rock God that he is; he decided to omit the word faggot as it might cause controversy. YOU FUCKING WANKER! DID YOU MISS THE POINT OF THE SONG YOU FUCKING TWAT!! Ok, calm down Cap’n P. My point is that if you take a classic and dilute it with shit and cheese it will inevitably smell of cheesey shit and that’s exactly what Ronan’s cover smelled of.
I’ve wasted all the time I willing to waste on this piece of shit so I will just say this. Ronan, your fifteen minutes has long since elapsed and, as the only nobel deed you could perform, consign yourself to the privacy of your own home, bought with your ill-gotten gains, and spare us the sound of your inane drivel. In other words; FUCK OFF!!!