Captain Purplehead

So good ol Christian stalwart Mel Gibson has been spouting anti-Semitic abuse at two police officers who arrested him for driving whilst having a liver full of Tequila. Mr Gibson, or God - as he likes to be called - exclaimed that the Jews are responsible for every war in the world. Really? Mr Gibson’s father once told the New York Times that the Holocaust “never happened.” Oookkaayy… This is just another example of a celebrity who feels that he is more enlightened than the rest of us. It seems that his idiot father had a lot to do with his mindset. Let’s first examine the statement that the Holocaust never happened.
Now I realise that special effects technology had reached dizzying heights in the 1940s. It would have been easy for them to make healthy human beings look like emmaciated, skeletal corpses elect. O… hang on a second. NO IT FUCKING WOULDN’T!! You’ve just got to hand it to these fucking bigots! They either have no fucking idea how stupid they are or they’re making a fucking great job of convincing us that they don’t - and Mel; you’re just not that good an actor. Sobibor, Treblinka, Dachau, Auschwitz: all staging areas for the greatest con the world has ever seen? I think not Gibson snr. What a fucking knuckle-dragging, drooling fucking idiot that guy must be.
Now, I’m not blaming Mel for the words of his father but Tequila has a funny way of destroying any guard you might have put up. Mel states that he does not believe his drunken statements to be true and can’t understand why he made them. Now ol Cap’n P has waved goodbye to many a vat of rum in his time but I certainly would not say something completely contrary to what I actually believe simply because I’m drunk. For instance; you would not hear me saying that I believe George W. Bush is a good president no matter how much alcohol I had imbibed. You could give me a cement mixer full of Jack fucking Daniels, a bucket of vodka and a cargo hold full of schnapps and I wouldn’t say something that is fundamentally against my actual beliefs. I simply do not believe that Mel made these anti-Semitic remarks contrary to his actual beliefs.
The Passion of The Christ was widely criticised for having anti-Semitic undertones and I believe that it did. I believe that Mel Gibson meant every fucking word of his tirade.
What the Israeli Jews are doing to the Lebanese people at the moment is nothing short of savage but it is a fool who tars an entire people with the same brush. The American government are trying to find a “lasting peace” but keep supplying Israel with weapons while the UN scratch their arses and try to find a way around the situation that won’t anger the Americans. Do we simply call every American a murderous bastard simply because their current government are blood-thirsty thugs? No we fucking don’t Mel!! What happened to the Jewish people during the second World War was inexcuseable and no amount of denials of events is going to change that. IT HAPPENED!!! It’s not just surviving Jews who bear witness to it but several former Nazis too. Go away Mel. Go away and stop annoying us further with your presence. I really liked some of the movies Mel has made but this sort of shit is unforgiveable.
Fucking celebrities! Tom fucking Cruise tells his obviously stupid wife Katie that she can’t take pain killers during childbirth and she has to remain silent. Okay Tom, how about this; you bend over and I’ll insert this anvil in your fucking anus and you try not to scream you fucking idiot! He’s also told the world that she is now known as Kate. She let him change her name! You can just imagine the little twerp at home:
“Hey Kate honey, we’re getting bored here. We’re just going to take turns pummelling you with this football ok?”
“Sure Tom honey but can I just take one panadol this time?”
“You know the rules babe.”
“Ok Tom, pummell away.”
For fuck’s sake Katie! I’m not going to go off on one about the fucking idiocy of scientology again because I’ve wasted enough time on those criminally insane fucking morons already.
Celebrities live in their goldfish bowls, nicely insulated from reality and every so often one of them pokes their head out to say something fucking idiotic. Mel Gibson has now joined a long line of morons now and any future works of his will be sullied by this outburst. I still believe that that is scant punishment. He should be made to listen to the testimony of some of the survivors of the concentration camps before serving a prison sentence. You can’t hide bigotry behind alcoholism Mel. Bigotry stinks and no amount of camouflage will keep it hidden. Just go away Mel.

What is happening to television? Reality T.V, neurotic American comedy with a message, Rock profiles featuring ex-spice girls, soap after soap after soap. When does it end? I have recently got digital T.V installed in the Captain’s quarters and I have been given 57 channels. Fifty fucking Seven channels! Holy crap, or should I say, just crap. I was understandably looking forward to a respite from the usual rubbish and I was pacing the decks until it was installed. I mean, fifty fucking seven channels. Well, I gotta tell ya, people; it’s absolute crap.

Ok, I’m not going to go into the list of channels I have ad nauseum but I would like to know who in the fuck picked what was included in this generous list. Before I go into the channels that should be good I’ll go through the channels I simply don’t want. These are channels that get in the way. I have Bloomberg. What is Bloomberg? I hear you ask. Just think about the name for a second. Bloomberg. It sounds like a fun, throwaway, cartoony, comedy channel. Guess what? It’s a fucking business channel!! That’s right. It’s a business channel and, not only that, it is a 24 hour business channel. Y’know, in case you wake up at 4 O’Clock in the morning wondering how your shares in Bolivian cod pieces are getting on. Who the fuck decided that I wanted a fucking business fucking cha fucking nnel? I was certainly never consulted before they included this in my “package”. It consists of toothy, American fucking drones smiling and talking while numbers scroll across the screen. Someone, please take it the fuck away!!! I’m a pirate for fuck’s sake!!

Ok, so I’m stuck with the fucking business channel but what about the rest of the crap. I had high hopes for the biography channel. That was until I saw the my first programme on it. You might find this hard to believe, but they did an hour long biography of Dale Winton. What the fuck!!! Here’s a brief synopsis, Dale was born in a vat of fake tan and his mother dressed him in pink chiffon. He is now a very fucking annoying T.V presenter. DID THAT FUCKING TAKE A FUCKING HOUR!!!!! People! Please! They almost earned a little respect showing an hour long Steve McQueen biography but did I get to see it? Fuck no. Do you know why I didn’t get to see it? No? Well I’ll tell ya. I didn’t get to see it because after about 15 fucking minutes it switches over to Men and fucking Motors, the moron’s channel. Guys, if you are that desperate to see a bit of totty, soak your head in petrol and have a fucking smoke. You’re taking up too much space. We could plant a tree there or something for fuck’s sake! Fuck off. So I saw that there was an adult movie on Bravo. My interest was mildly spiked. I’m not adverse to the odd bit of soft porn. But guess what? They have this fucking 50 year old biddy in the corner of the screen doing fucking sign language!! Instant fucking solution to the remote possibility of an erection. Ok, let’s face it, if you were to bother with having a tug to that shit in the first place you need to get out more, but you wouldn’t need to hear the fucking dialogue! Deaf people are no fucking different. They don’t need to know what is being said because it was probably written on the back of a condom box on someone’s fucking lunch break.! Oh I can just see the deaf couple now. The wife walks in during an innocuous part of the movie but then she sees the old biddy in the corner. “Did Anne Widdicomb just say, “I love your big meaty cock?” Divorce!!! Why don’t they at least get some lingerie-clad beauty to do it? Oh fuck no, that might encourage people to watch. Holy fucking arse biscuits!
Gone With The Wind. People hold this movie in high esteem for reasons, which simply make the mind boggle. It may well have been great in it’s day, but it’s day has long since passed. I mean, imagine if they made a movie with all deep south accents spoken by actors who are playing it in a way over the top mellow dramatic fashion? It would be laughed off the screen. With Gone With The Wind well established as a classic, people are overly reluctant to say anything bad about it. Well I will. I would prefer to bathe in a vat of piss rather than sit through this thing again. I actually have sat through it once. I agree that it should retain it’s classic status for standing the test of time, but it is a movie that I have absolutely no desire to see again. I absolutely regret watching it the first time and, if any of you GWTW fans out there don’t like it, well frankly I couldn’t give a fuck! The point is that, with the aforementioned 57 channels on digital T.V you should have a bit of variety, but on the second night of having these channels, I noticed that Gone With The Winds was on three different channels. That leaves me with 54 channels, so you’d imagine that I wouldn’t be too upset. We will, however, have to deduct Bloomberg, Discovery home and leisure, UK Living, Lifestyle, UTV, Boomerang, Nickelodeon, the info channel, the shopping channel, RTE1, RTE2, TV3, Sky One, The Cartoon Network, Cbeebies, BB3, BBC4, Bravo, Trouble, MTV, The Box, Vh1, The Biography/Men & Motors Channel and a few others whose names I have forgotten. The point is that the History Channel and national geographic were the only decent things on and, since National Geographic decide to show programmes about slug puke while your eating your dinner, that’s out too.

Living TV seems to be the Derek Acora channel. This guy is making a fortune. I can tell you; if I were dead and craved some sort of communication with the living, I wouldn’t go to an annoying, camp, Liverpudlian twat like Derek. When I am summoned to Davey Jones’ locker, I would prefer to use Trevor MacDonald as my conduit of communication. I’d insist on doing whilst he was reading the news. “Tony Blair today resigned as prime minister; stating that his position has become untenable… Wait… I’m getting a message from beyond…” Bet you that would boost the ratings.

If everybody’s so enamoured with Gone with the Wind, why don’t they have a fucking Gone with the Wind fucking channel? I like to put the ol’ peg leg up and watch a bit of TV but, with all the alleged choice I have recently acquired, there is absolutely nothing of merit on.

Of course RTE wouldn’t recognise a decent show or even a good idea even if it was presented to them in shining, diamond encrusted gold and was displayed by a naked Halle Berry. They turned down Father Ted because they were afraid of insulting the Irish Clergy. Wow, they really harbour a lot of respect for an institution, which is littered with men who interfere with kids. If a priest or bishop lodged a complaint with me, I would simply tell him to fuck off and clean up his own institution before passing judgement on mine. Afraid of the clergy? For fuck’s sake. It’s a joke, a bad Irish fucking joke. The punchline of course is that, instead of picking up the show, they let it go because of the clergy thing. Channel 4 took up the option and then sold it to RTE who have been exhaustively showing it since. Ah the managerial skill of RTE knows no bounds. That little piece of business is only one example. The list is fucking endless. Even the sets are the pits. There is enough artistic talent in the country to come up with decent shows without having to resort to copying BBC and ITV or blitz us with American teen crisis shows. I wanted to establish my own channel for pirates called YARRR TV, but they said it would never work. To be successful with RTE, you need to have your head planted firmly up your own arse - with your tongue firmly planted in someone elses and talk about yourself a lot. Gerry Ryan is seemingly untouchable and Ryan Fucking Tubirdy is not far behind him. Is this what we need? Two pompous fucking Howard Stern wannabees? If they were part of my crew, they would have walked the plank long ago.

T.V has turned to shit. I have pretty much stopped watching it. I am going to take the satellite dish down from the crow’s nest and concentrate on DVDs and the Internet. It’s a sad fucking day. I will wait until they show the special on hull repair on discovery, but it’s gone after that.

If you condescend to pick up any ol tabloid rag, you will normally find that some empty vessel’s autobiography is being serialised therein. Ronan Keating’s first autobiography was released when he was twenty four. For fuck’s sake!! That mincing turd has nothing to say now, not to mind when he was still prancing around with the other idiots in Boyzone! The book of course was ghost written so he probably didn’t know what was going into it anyway. “When I covered that shong, Father and shon, I was really at a low ebb in my life as a plastic, disposable shelebrity…” Aw fuck off Ronan! Sooner or later ol’ Cap’n P is going to dedicate a rant to you and you alone you talentless gimp!
Anyway, my point is this: There are some great authors out there who haven’t been published yet - just as there are great songwriters who haven’t been recorded yet because of the studio time wasted on fucking turgid pap like Roning’s, (ok; I’ll leave him alone… for now). For those of you for whom reading is the premier escape, you are probably missing out on many great works of fiction because publishing companies would prefer to offer a book deal to Jordan or some fucking Big Brother moron than take a chance on a genuine work of fiction or otherwise. Madonna can release a book called “Sex”, which consists of her in various erotic poses and for what? She tried to market it as art but it’s really just an extended Playboy spread - fuck, that woman’s hairy; in one shot I thought she was hiding two muslims in her armpits. Why do people become publishers? I’d imagine that it use to be because of the love of the written word but that’s long gone. Today’s publishers are run by people who got their jobs through nepitism and really couldn’t give a fuck about the sadly forgotten art.
Today’s publisher will not take unsolicited material. That means that you have to send your work to a literary agent who will try to syphon off any profit the author will make straight into their own tweed pockets. The internet is littered with people who will promise you their unwavering support as a literary agent but will do very little apart from selling on your ideas so that you end up with nothing but a lot of shite correspondence that didn’t lead anywhere. Chicken Run was written by a Limerick man - who I won’t name - who presented it to an agency. That agency sold the idea on and the guy who actually wrote it got nothing.
To see the real deconstrution of every facet of art, you only have to look at your TV listings. There are a plethora of new and more moronic reality shows, stupid game shows, soap operas, home improvement shows, talk shows and shows about how rich morons spend their ill gotten gains. ITV have all but dumped their drama department for an unbelievably stupid show called Quizmania! This consists of smiling fucking dipshits telling you “the clue is in the question” and flirting with their audience in couch potato land. Of course, there is also a health space given to American teen shows. O dear Fucking Dana with a twat full of Xanax!! These shows are about rich American teenagers who moan on about how heartbroken and confused they are because of the loss of their relationship with some too skinny, vain, squeaky fucking cumbag who has had it away with the local fucking lifeguard at their private beach. It’s about how they wrestle with the minefield of teenage life. There are millions of teenagers who have nothing so mundane to worry about and their teenage years actually consist of avoiding or being maimed by minefields. And guess what? Every fucking idiot under forty talks like these fucking pratts! “I’m like ssooo totally over him. Hello? I’m like a woman now?” If you go for a drink these days, you’ll invariably overhear someone for whom everything seems to be a question. “I was out last night? And I met Vicky? And she’s like got ssoo totally fat?” STOP ASKING THE FUCKING QUESTION YOU FUCKING SHIT EATING FUCKING TWAT!!! I mean, it’s no wonder nobody stands up to the Americans. We’re all trying to be American! Besides, if you are to believe their television shows; they’re all just “looking for some meaning” in their lives. For fuck’s sake! Here is a culture so fucking morally bankrupt that Joseph Mengele would have serious reservation about subscribing to it - yet every fucking Prada wearing cock receptacle and wannabe fucking Fitty Cent talks, walks and dresses like them! They are killing innocent people all over the world and allowing innocent people to be killed in others yet the only question we want answered is how many fucking rooms P Diddy has in his mansion in Beverly fucking hills? Hello? Have you like totally lost the plot? It’s no wonder our suicide rate is so high, but here’s an interesting statistic: There are approximately twice as many suicides in America than there are murders. So go ahead; buy a big slice of that culture you fucking idiots!!
Ahem… I seem to have gotten some way off the point. I got like sssooo totally carried away there? FUCK!!!! Art has taken a back seat to stupidity. We have very few decent actors coming through because, as soon as they reach twenty one, they are deemed too old! We have a lack of decent literature because publishing companies would prefer to print the autobiography of Brooklyn Beckham. We have a serious lack of decent music because of the assembly line of fucking crap that is coming out. Everything works to a formula these days and as long as that continues, we can say goodbye to anything sacred in art. Everything on TV seems to based on morons trying to be famous or already famous morons trying to extend their fifteen minutes. Mastermind didn’t even survive. A recent programme featured Chantelle and Jade Goody. I’ve been trying to find two more intellectually challenged contestants but, so far, all I’ve come up with is Donald Rumsfeld and the top of a carrot that fell out of my dustbin. The show is called MASTERMIND!!! Not WHAT’S DO YOU MEAN LOIKE? Apparently Chantelle’s specialised subject was Coronation Street and Jade’s was Eastenders. O dear God!! I just can’t talk about that one anymore. The book awards - I’ll repeat that - THE BOOK AWARDS, hosted by the King and Queen of shite; Richard and Judy, featured Chantelle as a guest presenter! I kid you fucking not. You would think that, in order to qualify as a presenter of an award for literature, the minimum requirement would be to have read a book or at least be able to put a single sentence together. It would seem that this is not a consideration at all because there was a freshly coiffeured Chantelle, smiling like the shaved monkey she is, presenting an award.
So talent has taken a back seat to monosyllabic morons. Would Catherine Zeta Jones have made it as an actress if she wasn’t born tall and good looking? Not a fucking chance. She’d still be in Wales sucking off miners for cider money, the fucking bint! I’m not saying that these rants represent the cutting edge of literary genius; I’m simply saying that art is dead. If you really care who gets kicked off Big Brother, you need to go away somewhere and reaccess your personality. On second thoughts, don’t bother; you traded it in years ago for an New York Yankees baseball t-shirt and a mid-atlantic accent.

So Jeb Bush is planning to continue the pornography of violence, corruption, greed, racism and stupidity by throwing his hat into the ring for the next presidential election. Great! Imagine looking back at the disaster of a possible twenty years of Bush reign. At least the American public were astute enough to get rid of Bush snr after one term but they’ve given his son two terms and who’s to say - given the goldfish bowl they live in - that they won’t do the same for good ol’ Jeb. Meteor advertises itself as a happening mobile phone company who have their finger on the pulse of Irish youth. You wouldn’t think so by their amazingly stupid and annoying ads but if any further proof were needed that they are a company who should be roundly ignored; I give you their invitation to Jeb Bush to come to Ireland. If I were a Meteor customer -which thankfully I’m not - I would change networks quick-fast and never return. Fucking idiots! All the free text in the world couldn’t make up for inviting the man who virtually put a mass murderer in the most powerful job in the world to our NEUTRAL island. Anyway; enough about those clowns. Fuck em!
Jeb, you’ll remember, is the man who pushed through legislation as Governor of Florida which all but wiped out the Democrat black vote and allowed his brother to win by default. We have no power over who assumes power in America and it’s a shame since what they do has a direct bearing on our lives. I encourage everyone with a blog site to post an anti Jeb blog on as many sites as possible. Seventy five percent of Americans don’t even have a passport and, since they’re fed a litany of lies from their news networks, have no idea of the suffering and corruption their votes are directly responsible for. To quote Pamela Anderson, “Read my lips; no more Bush.”
Jebs environmental record is nothing short of appalling. He has ruined the once beautiful Florida panhandle and - despite marrying a Mexican woman - is a proven racist. The Bush family is powerful enough to put one of their idiot sons in the Whitehouse, don’t doubt that they’ll be able to wangle Jeb onto the throne. It would be a case of Dumb and Dumber. Although I have to say George W does reckon Jeb would make a great president - well if he’s right, that makes exactly one Bush that would make a good president. We can’t ignore their parents who are two of the most dispicable people ever to set foot on the planet. Prescott Bush - George W’s grandfather - and William Farrish once proposed that any child born with a deformity, handicap or disease should be put to death because it would invariably infect the purity of the American genepool. Almost identical values to that of Adolf Hitler. This family has facism coursing through their veins. In fact, Mr Wolfowitz and his party - The Neo Conservatives -backed both Bush campaigns. The Neo Nazis - sorry, conservatives - advocated all kinds of nasty little deeds that would have been applauded in the Reichstag during Hitler’s occupancy. Barbara Bush - that horrible, dispicable, prunefaced bitch - once said:
“Why should we hear about body bags and deaths? It’s not relevant so why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?”
Ok; let me explain it to you Barbara: Your family are responsible for more death than every tyrant they went to war to depose. The dead people go in body bags; ergo the relevance of talking about it you stupid fucking bint! Now, I don’t know where you get beautiful mind from because, let’s face it, the only thing of yours that will serve as any kind of beauty is your headstone.
In 1944 the Americans and the Russians saved Europe from the tyranny of the Third Reich. So many brave American soldiers paid the ultimate sacrifice for the privileges we take for granted these days and their memory should be preserved with pride, honour and gratitude. Think of how sullied that memory is now because of the actions of a succession of administrations that followed the end of WWII. Those soldiers would be turning in their graves to hear the Bushes talk about “Freedom”. George Bush senior was a pilot during WWII. I wonder what some of his comrades would think about the mess his family has made of the world.
There is nothing free about America or what their government stands for. Our government is too concerned about upsetting the applecart to speak up against these tyrants so it is up to bloggers to saturate the internet with anti-Bush sentiment. Don’t hold back on your criticism; they deserve every ounce of ire and vitriol you can spare.

Now, before all you born-again Chelsea fans start prattling on about how funny you find the whole situation at Aston Villa, remember that you haven’t won the European Cup yet - and may never if Jose continues to be so negative in away games. Villa have won a European Cup but that seems like it happened in another lifetime. To put things in perspective; Doug Ellis took control of Villa in the sixties and saved the club from bankrupcy with the millions he had made in the package holidays market. He was finally ousted from the board in 1979. In 1981 Villa won the old first division title and in 1982 won the European Cup against a great Bayern Munich side. In 1982, after the famous victory, Ellis returned to the club and, within five years - during which Ellis sold most of our best players - Villa were relegated. Although we came back up in 1989, it has been a gradual but steady decline. There have been few bright spots since because Ellis refuses to back up promise with cash. Ron Atkinson - the clown prince of football management - almost brought us the title in the first Premiership season but we didn’t have the squad to compete with Man United. We had some great players in that squad including Dalian Atkinson, Dean Saunders, Steve Staunton, Ray Houghton, Kevin Richardson, Earle Barrett, Shaun Teale and the legend that is Paul McGrath - who gave us the best football of his career. That was at a time before transfer fees and wages went crazy. A series of bad managerial appointments and frugality on an epic scale has seen us slide from a position of power since. An ambitious chairman would have backed that early promise with signings but not Doug. We won two league cups in the nineties and have been in one FA cup final. Is that the pedigree of a team who won the European Cup and Super Cup?
I was wary of O’Leary’s appointment but was pleasantly surprised by a sixth place finish in his first season at the helm. We now know that that was merely down to the players relief at the removal of Graham Taylor. What followed was a series of bad signings. We have had Djemba Djemba - so crap they named him twice - Mathieu Berson and Gavin McCann - who may be a hard grafter but hardly has what it takes at the highest level. He was also responsible for off-loading Peter Crouch for 2.5 million - he was bought for 5.6 million - to Southampton who then off-loaded him to Liverpool for 8 million. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would have sold him too but not on the cheap. O’Leary showed his true ineptness during his three years in charge. I mean what kind of manager signs players like Phillips and Berger - two players I admire and respect - and then says, “I would have loved to have had them when they were at the top of their game.” They were probably listening to that Dave.
With the departure of O’Leary comes a certain hope that we can turn things around but it all depends on who Ellis appoints to replace him. With the greatest respect to Roy Aitken - who tonight oversaw the 5-0 win at Wallsall - I do not believe he has what it takes to take Villa forward. Martin O’Neill would be my choice but I don’t honestly see him taking the job. Alan Curbishley would be great but I also can’t see him taking it on. Do these guys really need to put their reputations on the line? If Ellis really has any love for the club he will step down and hand the club over to someone who knows what he’s doing. Maybe he could take over Birmingham City and appoint O’Leary and Taylor as joint managers as a pennance. Villa are stable insofar as debts are concerned but we need more. We need to take a chance. In the infant years of the Premiership, Villa were regular UEFA Cup qualifiers but now we are fighting for survival. I strongly feel that this may be our last season in the premiership for a while. I have no love for Birmingham City but they are backing up their words with signings. A new manager must be given funds regardless of how close we are to the transfer deadline. Will Doug do that? I doubt it.
While this mess has been played out in public, Doug is off on holidays. Surely a chairman of any club has a duty to be at the club in a time of crisis.
I love Villa and I will not stop supporting them simply because Doug is turning Villa Park into a circus. I only hope that Doug will do the right thing and resign. He’s eighty two years old and I’m sure there are better things he could be doing with his time than wrecking a great football club. Everyone around us is signing new players but we are not even in negotiations over a free transfer. This is not a sign of greatness, it is a death knell. Ellis has said that the only way he is leaving is feet first and I fear that that may well be the case.

Impeachment is the process by which a legislative body formally levels charges against a high official of government. Impeachment does not necessarily mean removal from office; it comprises only a formal statement of charges, akin to an indictment in criminal law, and thus is only the first step towards possible removal. Once an individual is impeached, he or she must then face the possibility of conviction via legislative vote, which then entails the removal of the individual from office.

The Poet

Remember Monica Lewinsky? Y’know, she was the first woman to allow Cuban penetration in the Whitehouse. Well I’ll get to her in a minute. What I really want to know is how is it that no impeachment trial was held against George W Bush? Isn’t lying to the public an impeachable offence? Bill Clinton faced impeachment for having oral sex and not telling anyone so why can’t George be impeached for gross stupidity, gross neglect, gross dishonesty and basically being a trigger happy moron? So let’s look at the evidence: Firstly he becomes president through a fixed election. This, by the way, is no longer merely the rhetoric put out by conspiracy theorists; it is a fact. How did he do it? Well, as you know, America elects its Presidents through an electoral college, which basically means that they must win by state. Now, each state is awarded a kind of points value so you don’t really necessarily need to have the majority of people voting for you. All of this is well and good and George deserved to benefit from it just like everyone else. The critical state in George’s first campaign was Florida and it wasn’t going all that well for him because of the African-American population of Florida who already knew that he was a racist. He was losing Florida despite the fact that his younger moron - I mean brother - Jeb was Governer of Florida. Now Jeb is a funny ol fish himself. He is also a racist and is currently trying to play down claims that he is helping to develop the Florida Panhandle in a destructive manner. Here is a guy who appoints a former Playboy bunny - Cynthia Henderson - to the head of State Management Services and then proceeds to have an affair with her. Meteor Ireland have invited this piece of shit to Ireland, by the way. Anyway, I’m getting away from the point. George and Jeb had a brain-storming session - oh to be a fly on the wall at that crapfest - and came up with a way of getting rid of the black vote by introducing a law that forbids people who have been found guilty of a felony to vote - of course, in Florida, if the cat has kitten it’s a black person’s fault and a felony offence. It also meant that many of George’s cabinet would not be allowed to vote in Florida, including good ol’ George Walker Bush himself. Even after George and Jeb had forbidden the Democrat voting black community of Florida to vote, he still needed a fucking recount. A hastily pushed through law that directly effected the election should have been looked at but, of course, that would be down to the governer’s office and Jeb wasn’t going to investigate himself.
Anyway, I know that’s all old hat and so I’m not going to go on about George holding the record for most successful executions when he was governer of Texas. What is also old hat is why he decided to invade Iraq in the first place. Non-existent WMDs, a none existent link with Osama Bin Laden and the failure of sanctions. We know now that he was lying - or as Donald Rumsfeld puts it;
“As we know, There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know There are known unknowns. That is to say We know there are some things We do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, The ones we don’t know We don’t know.
Fucking hell Don; how the fuck did you expect to get away with that one? Dishonesty is an impeachable offence so why hasn’t George faced at least the same trial as Bill Clinton did for getting his knob polished?
Despite the known knowns of what we know, there is no clarity coming from the Whitehouse - or as Donald Rumsfeld puts it;
I think what you’ll find, I think what you’ll find is, Whatever it is we do substantively, there will be near-perfect clarity as to what it is and it will be known… and it will be known to the Congress… and it will be known to you probably before we decide it, but it will be known.
Can you imagine Donald explaining to the wife why there were a pair of knickers in his car? “Well honey, those panties may or may not belong to a girl I may or may not know. That is to say that I don’t know that I know her but I definitely do not know that I do no know her. See; nothing at all to worry about.”
Should this clown have been impeached? Of course he should and so should George and that’s just to start with. There are war crimes which have to be addressed also. Mr Bush has stated that Israel has “a right to defend itself.” Would he have also agreed that the Nazis had a right to defend themselves? He blames Iran and Syria for supporting Hezbollah but that doesn’t surprise anyone. But let’s get back to impeaching George and Donnie.
They bombed the living shit out of Afghanistan and Iraq, killing innocent men, women and children in the process, but no one has brought him to task. They bombed facilities which they “believed” were housing weapons of mass destruction. Here’s how Donald describes the rationale behind their search and destroy - or destroy and search - missions;
“You know, it’s the old glass box at the at the gas station, where you’re using those little things trying to pick up the prize and you can’t find it. It’s… and it’s all these arms are going down in there and so you keep dropping it and picking it up again and moving it, but… Some of you are probably too young to remember those those glass boxes but… But they used to have them at all the gas stations when I was a kid.”
You can just see it, can’t you. A glass box full of teddy bears in the situation room.
DR:- “Well Mr President; let’s just say this pretty pink puppy is a nuke and all the the other teddy bears are Iraqis going about their daily business. All we need to do is drop a giant grappling hook down and pick it up like so… Shit.”
GWB:- “Donald; that’s the furry blue dolphin!”
DR:- “It’s ok, Mr President; let’s just call the furry blue dolphin collateral damage. Ok here we go again… Goddammit!”
GWB:- “Look Donald, just carpet bomb every Godless teddy bear in there. I’ve got a meeting with Jeb about appointing Pamela Anderson as vice president.”
If stupidity was an impeachable offence, both of these clowns would have been found guilty at birth. Violating human rights is a crime and they should be punished for it. At least Donald knows he’s an idiot. I leave you with his public confession;
Once in a while I’m standing here, doing something and I think,”What in the world am I doing here?” It’s a big surprise.”
No Donald, it’s a travesty.

I would love to agree that America is bringing freedom to the world but, in order to do that, I would have to believe it. I don’t blame the American people because they are being fed bullshit from their own news networks. And your country that puts so much stock in “Freedom of Speech”. There can be no free speech where there is no freedom of the press. You invaded Iraq because you said that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and that he was in league with Osama Bin Laden. Neither was true. I hate American foreign policy but if there was ever a need for your intervention, it is now. Israel is committing mass murder and they are doing it with your permission. Where is Condoleeza Rice? She’s at home packing. Please tell Condoleeza that she won’t need hermake up in Lebanon. This must be stopped. Retaliaton was expected but what is happening is the systematic annhiallation of a people. Should this not ring a bell for the Israeli people? Mr Bush; you said that you wanted to bring “freedom” and democracy to the darkest corners of the globe - I’m assuming that you already know that a globe does not have corners. Is Lebanon not one of the darkest corners of the world at the moment. Are these people free? Are you going to sanction more pictures of marines playing with Iraqi children or are you going to show the real face of war? Why don’t you go to the website below to see the real face of war.

http://lebanonheartblogs.blogspot.com/2006/07/warning-strong-pictures.html

You made a promise to the world, why don’t you fucking keep it you arrogant fucking arsehole? Oh I forgot, we already got your solution: “See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this *SHIT* and it’s over.” If that’s your idea of irony, you’ve been listening to too much Alanis Morrisette on your Ipod! A better analagy of irony is how the oppressed have become the opressors. Still; what should we expect from a pig only a grunt. I know you’re not the only one but Tony Blair is waiting for you to make a decision before he makes his so hurry the fuck up, step in and stop this needless murder. Children George. Children are being blown up. Is that acceptable? It’s happening in Iraq too and you need to stop calling living, breathing, thinking, feeling and - most importantly - INNOCENT people; “collateral damage”. That phrase hides a multitude of sins but forgives none. You ignored the UN when they were against an invasion of Iraq. Are you going to ignore them again when they ask for your intervention now? Come on George, come off the golf course and do something right for a change. Did you listen to Kofi Annan’s speech and say, “fuck him”? You can stop this. We know it and you know it so just fucking do it!
We all know that the continued chaos in the Middle East is ecconomically healthy for your country but how long can you watch children dying and do nothing? Did God tell you to ignore it? He seems to tell you how to do everything else. I believe that your will is as far removed from God’s will as you are from being a decent human being. Have you even got a soul George? This is your chance to be the hero cowboy you’ve always wanted to be. This is your chance to ride in on your white horse and bring peace. I’m not saying that a decision to stop this wanton killing would completely absolve you from your many previous sins but it’s a start. Your government cannot simply wash your hands of this crisis because you have already been involved George.
Stop lying, stop killing, stop prattling on about freedom when you have changed the law so that you can detain anyone who speaks up against you. You do not live in a democracy; you preside over a dictarorship. Still; I suppose the majority of American people were naive enough to vote you in for a second term. I wonder what would have happened if the hurricane struck before the election? Would you have ignored your own people then or would your spin doctors have advised you to act despite your reticence because of the campaign. I suppose we’ll never know. You’re a racist George. What we do know is that people are dying. What we do know is that the American government have been providing weapons to every unstable nation for years now. When you give someone a bike, you expect them to go for a cycle once in a while George.
Get off your useless fucking arse and stop this insanity George. I’m sorry if I seem abrasive but it’s just because you are an idiot who has been given the most powerful and influential job in the world and all you can do is make the world a more dangerous place. Prove me wrong, I implore you, please please prove me wrong.
You’ll never read this letter George because I am nobody. I am merely venting my spleen because there’s nothing else I can do. I can’t even donate money to aid these people because no aid can get through. We nobodies are so frustrated with what you have done but I suppose you can never become somebody unless you’re corrupt and unfeeling.

I was in Limerick City today and I heard a couple of balding, middle-aged men talking about how relieved they were that Teds has reopened. That’s right; the home of cheese has been reopened. Teds, for the uninitiated amongst you, is a bar and nightclub in Limerick City. It was sadly missed by the drooling masses of middle age crisis sufferers during it’s enforced absence but now it is back and it’s business as usual. I reluctantly admit that I have been to Ted a couple of times - merely for a late drink - and in full knowledge of it’s deserved reputation. I think that everyone should experience it at least once because it is the last bastion of cheese in Limerick city. It is very much like travelling back in time to an era where men wore gold medallions to exhibit their opulence - real or imagined. It is a place where men argue over whose car is more unecconomical - “Mine only gets about 8 miles to the gallon in the city.” “You lucky bastard!. I have to have a mobile filling station following mine around.”
Yes, the golden age of the idiot with too much money has not been forgotten in Teds. The medallions have been replaced by BMW keys but the sentiment is exactly the same. The men slip off their wedding rings before entering and the women are the same shower of Prada- loving, frustrated, needlessly aloof bints they always were. If you are a female who wants nothing more than a sugar daddy to worship your fake tan encrusted cleavage; you will have more slobbering middle aged idiots vying for your attention than you can shake a stick at. The only drawback is that your sugar daddy will invariably regale his friends with tales of your penchant for anal, oral and even aural sex. It doesn’t matter whether you actually did any of these things or not. It doesn’t matter to these people because they are actually gay. They may not realise this but ask yourself this: A man who tells another man of his sexual exploits in exhaustive detail is actually asking that man to picture him naked with an erection. Now I know that, for some of these misguided reprobates, sex is like playing pool with a rope but that is something they will never admit to their friends - or “mates”. Yeah? Getting the picture? When a guy tells another guy how he had his cock covered in whipped cream before having it licked off by some “lucky” girl, whose interests include shopping, Prada, Louis Vitton, fake tan and spending his ill gotten gains; isn’t he forcing that guy to picture him with a hard cock covered in cream? I don’t know about you but that seems very like sexual posturing to me. If you contemplate that, then maybe you’re willing to delve a little further and contemplate something else. Why is he telling this his “mate” what he did with this girl? He is doing it to impress his “mate” with his ability to have sex; thus proving that he is capable of having sex, thus being a healthy, potential mate. Guys; if the sex was so bad you feel the need to talk about it in exagerated detail; you’re doing it wrong. Now comes the killer blow that will offer irrefuteable proof that these men are indeed gay - or at least bisexual. These guys seem to be obsessed with girls who will acquiesce to their requests for anal sex. If they were in a darkened room and someone said, “fuck me in the arse”, would they have any idea as to the gender of said recipient? Most of their “mates” have man boobs, so tactile probing may not reveal the truth. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with anal sex; I’m simply saying that I don’t understand why certain men want it so much. Call me old fashioned but I don’t see how men who are so obsessed with forgoing the vagina in favour of the anus can honestly say that they aren’t just a little bit gay. I mean, if it is indeed a sexual organ, it is common to both sexes. I prefer the vagina - it tastes better for a start. Am I weird? Maybe I am. Maybe I’m missing the point completely. Look guys, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Just come out and say it. Say you’re bi-sexual at least. Let me repeat myself; there is nothing wrong with being gay. There is, however, something wrong with putting up a flag of homophobia - labelling anyone who won’t indulge in your embellished tales of your sexual exploits an arse bandit - and saying you love anal sex in the same breath. Ok, enough about anal sex.
Teds is a throwback to days when it was alright to be a fucking idiot. So come on in guys. Bask in the decadent atmosphere. Slip that wedding band off because you don’t need it here. Women are welcome too. Teds men love a woman whose curtains don’t match the carpet- so to speak. Fake tan and tales of debauchery in Tenerife - (pronounced Ten er reefie by a real Teds man) - are all welcome. Come for the flat beer; stay for the lurid banter about arse fucking because all the men are hetro-sexual arse-bandits. The clientel consists of the opulent and stupid - most are both - so you needn’t worry about the wife finding out because most of these guys have the attention span of a squashed beetle. You’ll love the shite music played by resident D.J, Lorcan Murray. He plays all the classics from Black Lace to Britney interspersed with inane banter that is low-brow enough for you to understand. Don’t worry about things like the needless loss of life all over the world due to greedy pricks like you, just change the channel and watch reruns of Magnum PI. You might want to know the following facts though, just in case you are challenged by your intellectual better whilst outside that confines of Teds - you know; like a monkey or a toilet seat. Kofi Annan is not a high street label, Condoleeza Rice is not No. 76 on the local chinese menu and baloons may fit but don’t offer adequate protection. Also; Police Action is not an eighties crime show that missed your attention, WMD is not a sexually transmitted disease and there is no special effects department working for Sky News, it’s actually real life and death.

Residual self-image of the average Teds man.
In closing, I would like to say that I hope Teds stays open for many many years to come because, if it closes, these knuckle-dragging idiots might choose to congregate at your favourite watering hole - although it is not safe to say “hole” around them. I know that I may be offending some people with this rant but, don’t worry, you are who you are; you just haven’t admitted it yet. Girls, if your sole ambition in life is to find a rich idiot who will lavish you with cash and clothes, you are a waste of oxygen. When you get older and your rancid, flacid labia falling to your knees like some ball-less scrotum from all the years of letting anyone with rolex pummell you until you snared one of them, he’s going to go back to where he started and find a younger model. You have a short life and, if you want to spend that time opening your legs to the highest bidder, what use are you? And remember, when a guy in Teds offers to push your stool in; he’s not being polite.

Mate: Either of a pair of animals or birds that associate in order to copulate.
Either of a pair of animals brought together for breeding.

I like to start at the back page when reading a tabloid. I mean, the front page normally has stories about “celebrities” and their many wonderful adventures. Fellow football fans will understand why I start on the back page. I like to see if Chelsea have signed the Sultan of Brunei as their new night porter. Anyhoo, a new free Limerick publication was pushed through my letter box a few weeks ago. I can’t remember if it was the Limerick Weekender or the Limerick Independent because, as I said, I don’t look at the front page. So I picked up this paper and immediately went to the back page but there was no sport. There was no headline saying, ” Villa sign Cannavaro” - although that would be stretching reality a little. No, there was a picture of a smiling Celia Holman Lee beside a banner which said, “My Week by Celia Holman Lee”.
“Who is this literary giant?” I hear you cry. Well, if you live outside of Limerick, you probably haven’t heard of her but she is our most important socialite. No one wears a hat to a party like dear old Celia. You might also be forgiven for thinking the title sounds like the title of some six year old girl’s school essay and, on further perusal, you might also be forgiven for thinking that the six year old’s four year old sister wrote it for her but you’d be wrong. Celia wrote if for the people of Limerick so that we can get an insight into her world and I for one salute her for it. “So she just goes to parties?” I hear you exclaim. No, she runs a very successful modelling agency also. She devotes much of her time turning beautiful, clear-thinking girls into vacuous stick insects with futures. She prunes the next generation of Rugby wives.
Let me put things in perspective for you. On one of many stopovers in the port of Limerick, I met a comely young lass and we took quite a shine to eachother. We talked about music and movies. She shared my hatred of American foreign policy. I wanted to show her a life on the open sea with my crew of miscreants and she wanted me to give it all up for dry land. Now I don’t want to embarrass her so, for the sake of this rant, let’s just call her Cunt. No, wait a second, that’s not a very nice word. Bitch, we’ll call her Bitch.
When I first met bitch, she was studying to become a teacher. What a noble vocation, I thought. Imparting your wisdom to a younger generation and trying to steer them onto the right path. I began to seriously think of giving up my life of pillaging to settle down with Bitch. Bitch’s sister - let’s call her Pig - never took to me. She didn’t think I was good enough for Bitch but Bitch ignored her warnings and continued to allow me to berth in her cove - so to speak. A couple of months into our affair, Bitch announced that Pig had advised her to go to modelling classes with - you guessed it - the Celia Holman Lee agency. I told her that she had a lot more to offer than simply being a pretty clothes hanger but she would have none of it.
So Bitch paid for her modelling classes and put her studies on the backburner for a while. When Celia came to pick the best of the litter, she kindly informed Bitch that she wasn’t “model material” because she didn’t have “the right look”. She also informed Bitch that she might “find it to difficult keeping her weight down.” An incosoleable Bitch came away from her classes in how to walk and look pompous at the same time thirty pieces of silver poorer and with little or no self-esteem. She did, however, make some valuable friends amongst the other models and there began the deconstruction of a beautiful relationship. We no longer talked of politics or music or art. She talked of shopping and clubbing and salads. Our Wednesday eveining trips to Buddy’s Bar were cancelled as she preferred to go shopping. Before long, she realised that being with a scruffy pirate wasn’t good for her image and so she cast me adrift. I went back to my shipmates and Bitch and Pig went to live with the cows and parasites. I had once thought that Bitch would never be easily corrupted but I was wrong.
I met Pig a couple of months ago and, beacause I had nothing else to say to her, I asked about Bitch. Pig sobbingly told me that Bitch was in hospital battling an eating disorder. Apparently she had been caught in time but it was still very upsetting. I asked if she had become a teacher and Pig advised me that she had gone to work in a fashion boutique instead. I asked if Celia Holman Lee was helping out with her hospital bill and Pig admonished me for even thinking that any of this had been Celia’s fault. Maybe she was right. I don’t think so but that’s just my opinion. She took a beautiful, intelligent girl and gutted her of anything that was worthwhile. I never saw the skinny Bitch and I’m glad.
If Celia Holman Lee is the best we can do, Limerick is truly fucked. What about the great bands we’ve had throughout the years. Shouldn’t they be rewarded with their own column. Think about it. Wouldn’t you prefer an article by Eamon Hehir or Dave Keary or Finn Chambers or Noel Hogan? People who actually might have something to write about. Do we really need to hear about who had the nicest fucking hat at the Limerick fucking races? Do we really need to hear this old fucking swinger talk about what a good time she had a party that we will never be fucking invited to? What the fuck are we doing when we allow a fucking empty fucking vessel like Celia Holman Lee to spew her meaningless drivel onto the back of a local rag? We’re saying that there is nothing wrong with Limerick. We’re saying that we’re all skinny champagne swilling nouveau rich twats! The world around us is going to fucking hell but we still find time to give a fucking mincing moron like Celia fucking Holman Lee a forum in which to air her meaningless nonsense! Everyone wants to be skinny these days. “Oh baby; run your tongue up my femur but be gentle, I don’t want to ruin my hair.” For fuck’s sake! It seems that, only when you bring yourself to the edge of disease are you truly attractive. Bullshit! Why is it that some fucking women feel that they have to develop a body that looks like a man’s in order to attract a man? Men are no fucking different. Curiousity won’t kill you, vanity will. So I say; fuck off Celia! Why don’t you spend your time doing something about people who really don’t want to be fucking skinny?
I’m under no illusion that Celia would condescend to read this blog - she might break a nail on the keyboard - but if any of you know her, please print this off and show it to her. Not because I think it will make a difference - it takes intelligence to accept change - but because I just want to say again; Fuck off Celia, you old, fucking wrinkly, twat! You are definitely NOT model material. So, just one more time for the real people: FUCK OFF CELIA!!!

To Janice - who kindly commented on what an asshole I am for slagging off the slag that is Celia Holman Lee - let me explain something to you, you poor little thing you: This is a blog site so, yes, I spend a lot of time bitching. I am indeed an asshole and thank you for noticing. I only slag people off when I have a reason and I had a reason to slag off the bint for whom this particular rant was named. As for the amount of money she has; Dr Josef Mengele was a wealthy man - must I sing his praises too? I am not surprised that you equate fiscal fitness with success. I would, however, argue that the truly great people throughout history were not concerned with wealth. Ghandi, Biko, Mandela, King - all truly great people. Biko lived in abject poverty and managed to help change the course of history. I know more than one girl whose self-esteem was severely dented by Celia. I’m sure she does have larger sized women in her stable but I think that there is beauty in everyone. What sparkles inside shines throughout. Whilst your comment has not made me want to recant any of the abuse I have hurled at Celia, I do hope you keep up the abuse you have hurled at me. You have an opinion so I guess there is at least a chance that you can rise above the vacuous. You are as entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. You should know that money means absolutely nothing to me. I realise it does mean a lot to you but diversity makes the world interesting. Hope it all works out for you anyway and my sincere thanks for your comment. Keep them coming.

Do you remember a time when the only reality T.V show was the news? Now it seems that there are no lengths TV networks won’t go to to dumb down our televisual experience. I’ll get to big Brother in a moment but I’d like to start with X-Factor and the ever embarassing You’re a Star.
Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne have done for music what King Herod did for babysitting. I mean, isn’t the show bad enough without charging these walking turds with the task of finding “talent”? Firstly; fame used to be something you earned through talent and dedication. The only prerequisite these days is to be of low intellect, married to a footballer, ex-TV presenter who has been accused of rape, aging rock legend, or all of the above. You can also achieve it by cheating on game shows or selling the private letters of a deceased national icon to the highest bidder. Sharon Osbourne fits nicely into a few of the above categories. Has this woman ever had an unpublished thought? Ok, I’ll allow the cancer thing because people need to read the success stories but survival does not give her the right to wax lyrical about every fucking thing that bugs her or is “in her heart”. What she knows about musical talent could be written on the back of a fucking stamp! Talk about your self-appointed expert on everything. By the by Shaz, you and your annoying daughter told Rebeccca Loos that she wasn’t a celebrity. You were right about that but neither are you, if you are to use the same scale to meassure yourselves. Has Miss Loos any talent apart from being able to suck an apple through a tennis raquet? No. But what talent have either of you got? Anyway, enough about Shaz.
Simon - my waistline is two inches below my chin - Cowell? All he does is slate people and, because the barbaric public like to see people tortured on TV, he has made a career out of being a fucking prick! Do we really need this fucking numbskull inflicting the latest disposable, plastic pop act on us? I think not.
Which brings us nicely to the weasel in worms’ clothing that is Louis - FFUUUUCCCKKKINNNG - Walsh. Here is a man who has single handedly fucked up the Irish music industry and we put him on TV on both aforementioned shows! Music is an important part of our lives. When you look back on your life you should be happy and proud of the soundtrack that accompanied it. If you look back on your life and even one Westlife, Boyzone or Ronan - fuck off and rot - Keating song accompanies any fond memory; that memory is ruined. I’m not saying that these people do not deserve the lifestyle they have; they just don’t deserve to have made it from music. Just think about it. They spend months of studio time that could have been allotted to someone with genuine talent. Ronan wants to be known as a “serious recording artist”? Well if you consider trawling through the back catalogues of Garth Brooks, The Bee Gees or Francis Black for your next hit to be art, then you have achieved what you set out to achieve. Fucking moron! Anyway, I digress. If you consider the X-Factor and You’re a Star to be entertainment, you need to sit down and ask yourself a few questions.
Big Brother has taken over channel 4 once again. This used to be a channel that championed the more avant-garde film makers. We were once proud to have that channel on. Now it is the reality TV channel. BB has to be the most vacuous of any program. You basically put a shower of fucking morons in a house together and watch their moronic antics and marvel at their moronic conversations. Now what do you think that makes you? If you want to see a shower of morons in one room together, visit the Dail or go to any City Centre fast food emporium. Is this really entertainment? Iwouldn’t call it that, yet is seems to be more popular than ever.
Look at how our society has changed over the last few years? Everybody wants to be a fucking American these days. Everyone speaks with this annoying mid-atlantic accent and uses Americanisms like, “I was like soooo tootally wasted last night man. I like sooo puked on my shoes.”. FUCK OFF!! YOU’RE IRISH!!! America, far from being the “land of Freedom”, is a fucking dictatorship and it is taking over the world through TV. If you are buying into the values of their society, you are buying into a bankrupt culture. Ireland has a rich culture which will soon be gone to be replaced with this hybrid that is vacuous and moronic. We are a nation of racists but that is another rant.
I realise that I have strayed from the point somewhat but I;m a pirate, what did you expect. If you were wondering why the TV networks do not make more drama; it is because putting a shower of morons on TV is cheaper. You perpetuate this cycle by watching. Would you even want to have a drink with any of these people? Please pay attention because before too long there will be nothing but reality TV. If you want to see reality TV, I suggest you watch Auschwitz, The Nazis and the Final Solution on RTE on Thursday nights. Take a look at what we are capable of doing to eachother. Don’t be fooled though, we are still doing similar things to eachother. We live in a world where you can watch some one get their head blown off in slow motion from seven different angles and it is considered acceptable but, should someone say “Fuck” before nine o’clock, they will be castigated for it.