Captain Purplehead

On his blog, Donal McIntyre describes himself as follows: “Donal MacIntyre is an investigative journalist, specialising in hard hitting investigations, undercover operations and television exposes. He has won praise for his courage, and campaigning zeal particularly his consistent work in the area of care homes for the elderly and the learning disabled. “
This badly written testimony is completely inaccurate. A man who describes himself as courageous but cried like a baby in a cab home from Clapham after a thug showed him a knife. Said thug did not brandish said knife in any kind of threatening way but it was enough to have the impeccably coiffured McIntyre crying like a small frightened child. So we’ve gotten rid of the part where he states that he has won praise for his courage. He starts this blurb by stating that he is an investigative journalist. Now, I once put a band aid on a child’s cut knee but I don’t go around calling myself a surgeon. After watching Donal’s sensationalist, tabloid and criminally unbalanced documentary about Limerick’s gangs last week, I can only come to the conclusion that Mr McIntyre is not an investigative journalist. He comes across as a bit of a shaper, really, so his blurb should read as follows: “Donal MacIntyre is a shaper, specialising in sensationalist rubbish that only serves to glorify gangland scumbags. He once cried when someone showed him a butter knife in Clapham, and his complete ignorance of the subject he is supposed to be investigating, makes him more of a plonker than anything else. ”
I’m not saying that Limerick is some understated utopia. Far from it. We have a small number of scumbags who are fucking up a great city. McIntyre states at the outset that Limerick has always been skilled in the art of war and today is no different. Limerick was a garrison town so I suppose we were, in some small measure, skilled in the art of war. But just take a look at that statement. Who does that really speak to? If I was a gang member, I’d be pushing my chest out saying, “Fucking right, sham.” I’d be proud as punch.
Look, a few other bloggers have waxed lyrical about this clown and I’m not going to go into the flawed and unfair, “murder capital of Europe” statistic that he spewed forth. I’m not going to go on about his rehashed, have-arsed reporting of what is a great City because other bloggers - notably Bock the Robber, who is listed in my links section - have done a great job on this already. My point is this. What do these documentaries actually achieve?
Here’s my take on it. If one scumbag kills another scumbag, that’s a public fucking service and shouldn’t even make the news. It is right to report on innocent people like Shane Geoghan getting murdered by these horrible little scumbags but Mr McIntyre didn’t treat that part of the story with the dignity it deserved either. He did very little right in this documentary. These guys are loving the attention and people like Donal McIntyre are giving them the attention they want. I noticed, while watching this ridiculously bad and self-serving programme, that Donal didn’t talk to any gang members - probably for fear of one of them brandishing a nail clippers, which would send him blubbering like a lost child back to his hotel room. Donal gives them an almost romantic billing, while making the rest of Limerick look like a cesspool. Why didn’t he comment on the brilliant artists, musicians, writers and poets of Limerick City? Why didn’t he take a look at our indigenous sense of humour? Why didn’t he take a look at the many positives? Well, because they don’t fit with the sensationalist, fear-mongering claptrap for which he has now become renowned. It’s not newsworthy to report on something positive. People like Donal McIntyre are actually exacerbating a very serious problem with gangs.
They love the publicity and that’s exactly what this clown has given them. What has he given the rest of us law-abiding Limerick people, who make up the vast majority of the 120,000 population? He’s given us another unwanted and unwarranted label. There is another legion of little scumbags who will look at that and say, I want to be famous too.
The gangs in this town need to be stopped but documentaries like this will not stop them. I will watch the Dublin one, if he makes it, but I’ve a feeling he’ll need more than an hour to tell that story and I very much doubt he’ll do the same kind of hatchet job on the Capital that he did on Limerick. I left a comment on his blog but it has not been published. He seems to want to dish it out but he can’t take it. I’d complain him to the broadcasting standards organisation but he doesn’t seem to have any standards, nor does the station that sanctioned this unhealthy and unhelpful piece of crap.

Just an update on the last post. The creater of One Blank Page, the site alluded to in the aforementioned post, has now had the good sense to shut the site down. I’m not saying that this is because of my post or the comments I left on his site but, whatever the reason, I’m glad he has seen sense.
The thing is that, properly run, this site could have been an excellent and worthwhile blog. The problem is that, once one moron gets in to your ranks, they tend to start infectiing others.
Anyhoo, I realise that I’m supposed to be winding this site down but have now been more active than I have been in a long time. I assure you, my friends, aquaintances, enemies and randrom fuckers who just happen along now and then, that I will be leaving soon. The sea and battle beckon.

This is hilarious. In fact it’s so hilarious that I actually don’t mind giving the site in questions a bit of exposure. Last week I came across a site that was basically slagging off my fellow blogger and honorary pirate, Bock The Robber. The site in question,

One Blank Page

, seems to have been set up to allow multiple contributors to post whatever they wanted about anything. To be honest, it’s an idea I quite like but there’s a major problem with doing something like that; you tend to get morons using it as a platform to utter shite about anything they want.
Ok, here’s the thing. The administrator of the site went to great lengths to express his hatred of any kind of censorship. So how is it then that yer ol Cap’n has been banned from leaving any more comments on his site - this might change if he reads this because, as it turns out, he’s quite economical with the truth.
The post that started all this “controversy” is called

Free Lessons for tossbags - Bock The Robber

and it is openly and visibly moronic from start to finish. The same moron had written a previous post about how he hates bloggers and users of Facebook, twitter and Myspace. That’s fine; you don’t actually have to like bloggers but why become a blogger to give out about bloggers? That’s beside the point, however, and I’ll get back to the point. Y’see the problem is that I wouldn’t be surprised if, like a cornered rat, the administrator of this, frankly pointless site, deletes the comments in question - even though that’s exactly the kind of behaviour he was condemning in his defence of this moronic post. The writer of the post stated incorrectly that Bock deletes comments that conflict with his own views. Even a cursory look through the comments that are on his site will reveal that this is patently untrue. Still they blew on about how it is a sin to delete anyone’s comment. I can tell you that they did have to delete one comment as it contained personal information and I applaud them for that and will not use that to lend more weight to my own argument. They were right to do this.
Here’s a brief conversation I had with Bock.

Cap’n P: Bock, me oul sagotia, I’ve come across a site that has been attacking you.
Bock: I don’t really give a fuck about that, to be honest.
Cap’n P: Damn yer eyes, Bock, let’s have some fun with these fuckers!
Bock: Look, I’ve a lot of stuff to do at the moment so I wouldn’t have the time to be bothered with that.
Cap’n P: And what if I have a bit of time to spend wiping the floor with these idiots?
Bock: Knock yourself out, Cap’n. I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit bored lately.

So I pointed the Thirsty Kipper at One Blank Page and set sail into battle. To be honest, it would have been easier to do battle with a piece of wood.

When dealing with morons, I like to start off with a lie that will bring the more shaky ones out from the rock under which they have been hiding. I started by telling them that I could see that there were multiple users from looking at their IP addresses. I was called n this lie immediately, which is fair enough I suppose.
Anyhoo, after much tooing and froing, during which I pointed out a couple of home truths, I had an idea. What if I just led them into doing a couple of things in order that their idiocy might be exposed? To be honest I didn’t really expect it to work. I noticed their policy of changing banners and had an idea. What if I forced them to change the banner at my behest? The banner that they had featured a mouth felating the name of the site. The background image of the text was a veiny penis. I took a screenshot of this but, to be honest; it’s a horrible fucking thing so I’m not going to but it up here.
I offered the following comment:
“Actually, your rather lurid and obvious banner already suggests that you’re eating your words.”
They replied thus:
“There’s 13 contributors, and we never mention the b*****.
It’s a good idea not to mention the b*****, because if you do, someone will change it and make your comment look ridiculous.”

Success, they changed the banner. I contacted Bock as it was too hilarious not to and he issued a challenge to me. He suggested that the real trick would be to get them to put it back up. Hhhmmm.
I sailed back to the Island of morons and posted again; “Do you not think that, by changing it, you look ridiculous?”
The hilariously juvenile administrator, Chris P Pancake, replied thus:
“Changing it?
I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Now came the time to get them to put the banner back up. I’ll be honest with you; I didn’t actually think they’d do it.
I countered with this:
“Yes, it appears that you have little idea what anyone is talking about. Print screen is a very handy function though. Maybe you should have employed this before Bock deleted your comments. Maybe then you’d have proof to back up your bullshit. Then again, you probably wouldn’t have the balls to show those comments anyway.”
Success seemed unlikely when he came back with this:
“Cap’n P;
I don’t know Bock or his blog, and for that reason I haven’t said anything about him. You seem convinced that I did. I’ve criticised the policy people say he has, because I have strong feelings about censorship. Personally, I’ve never left a comment on Bock’s blog. I never will.
When you came on here and began saying things about other commenters that were blatant lies, I pointed this out.
You’re the only person I ever came across who thinks that 3 + 1 = 3, and the best you can come up with now is a criticism of our beautiful b*****.

Don’t you think it’s time to call it a day?”
I wasn’t beaten yet though:
“When I have a little time to waste and when I’m not using that time to cajole idiots like yourself into exposing themselves as the juvenile morons they are, I’m going to put up a post on my own site with a picture of your original banner on it. To be fair, with the low readership you have, I doubt that there’s anyone reading this who hasn’t seen it already.
As for the act of self defence in your last comment:
“I don’t know Bock or his blog, and for that reason I haven’t said anything about him. You seem convinced that I did. I’ve criticised the policy people say he has”
Now people said the Birmingham six were terrorists but they weren’t. While I would never assume to liken your attack on Bock to those atrocities, it occurs to me that your feelings on censorship far outweigh your complete indifference towards the truth. You believe Bock did this because some other moron told you so? Please. If his comments were deleted, it would’ve been with good reason. Censorship is important, whether you like to think so or not. It stops bigoted fuckers getting their cousin-fucking beliefs in print. You haven’t read Bock’s blog, so your only grounds for attack was hearsay? That, my friend, makes you a moron. That makes you far more insipid than even the strictest censor.”
I waited and waited for what seemed like seconds and then:
“Here, I’ll put it back up, because I think you’ll like this one too.”
Un-fucking-believable!
I replied thus:
“Ha ha! That is unbelievable. Two for two, Bock!”
So, back at the beginning of the thing, their entire argument against Bock was that he deleted comments by the idiot who wrote the post. The administrator of the blog claimed to have no knowledge of Bock but was responding to beliefs held by others. His tireless defending of his fellow morons was based on his “strong” beliefs on censorship. Here are two comments that set the tone of their argument:
“Of course he can express himself whatever way he likes on his own blog, but if he’s going to delete comments that don’t love and agree with his own, why have a comment section?”
And this one:
“Which is worse, having a blog with an indefensible comments policy, or jumping in out of nowhere to defend someone’s right to have such a policy?

People take this blogging shite way too seriously.

This from someone who claimed to have no knowledge of Bock.
So this guy hates censorship and thinks that people should be allowed to say whatever they like on a site that is privately owned and paid for. Now I know this post has gone on a bit but, y’see, I am now banned from this guy’s site because I disagreed with the administrator of the site. I got banned because of the very thing these idiots were giving out about and they can see neither the irony nor the idiocy of this. It’s the only reason this post exists.
Here’s the last comment that was allowed on the post:
“I’m turning off the comments in this post because it’s sad what some people will jump on and carry on.

Am I sad for attacking Bock? Probably.

Are other people sad for jumping to his defense? I think so. He wasn’t bothered by the post, why should his readers?

Now the conversation has scewed away from the point.

I wonder how many of these comments would have been deleted else where….”
This guy obviously doesn’t think that silencing people is censorship and he’s kind of right; it’s fascism. Now he only allows comments that he likes. He’s gone from hating censorship to being Mr Censorship 2009 in one fell swoop.
What a fucking idiot! If you go back to the first link on this post, you’ll see that Mr Colin Lingus states that he had a choice, whether to close down the blog or review his comments policy. He opted not to close down the blog, which I believe was the wrong choice.

Les Paul died today at the age of 94 of compications from pneumonia. The world is definitely a darker place without him.
It’s hard to imagine that the world of Rock would have even come into being without Les Paul. He, of course, is most famous for pretty much inventing the solid bodied electric guitar - he didn’t actually come up with the idea but he took it further than anyone else could have - but he also invented multiple track recording. He created the iconic Gibson Les Paul. In addition to that he was a simply incredible guitar player. He is one of those musicians about whom you could honestly say that he progressed beyond the instrument. With his second wife, Mary Ford, he produced the first layered recording. Think about it, without him, modern music - as we know it - simply would never have existed.
His loss is maybe not so tragic as he lived a long and full life but he is more important to music than Michael Jackson, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Elvis Presley, Janis Joblin, Keith Moon, Brian Jones, John Lennon and all the other deceased musicians put together and multiplied by ten. And that is not a slight on the greatness of the aforementioned artists but a clear statement of Les Paul’s importance to modern music. Think about it, no Beatles, no Stones, no Hendrix, no U2, no hip-hop, no Fat Boy Slim, no Radiohead, no Smiths, no Albert Lee, no Led Zepplin, no metal, no Chicago blues, no Stevie Ray Vaughan, no Britney Spears, no Michael Jackson, no energy, no wailing guitar phrasing, no beautifully melodic guitar phrasing. You get the picture. You might think that this statement is ridiculous but it’s not. All of these artists rely on multi-track recording and/or belt in the bollox guitar.
He wasn’t a rock musician, his style was more a fusion of country, jazz, pop and swing but it was distinctive, unique and he broke the mould when he created his sound.
Rest in Peace, Mr Paul. The word legend is bandied about all too often but has never applied to someone like it applies to you. Good night and good luck.

Ah Limerick City Council; a living, breathing, monument to the callous cronyism, corruption and ineptitude under which the Irish people have been living since we became a republic.
Yep, the old adage, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know, is one of the first tenets on which the Limerick Shitty Council was founded and now their rank incompetence has gone too far.
Members of St John’s Brass and Reed Band were informed a few years ago about their plans to build a road through their band room on Mulgrave Street. The band agreed to this as long as they were suitably compensated and adequate alternative premises found. They were asked to submit alternatives and did so. You’d think that it would be a simple enough process. I mean, you’re average primate could figure out how to come to an amicable solution to this very simple problem. How many empty units have we got in Limerick, thanks to our government’s rank greed and stupidity? Surely empty space is not a problem, right? Well, yes, a solution could easily be reached but then again, we’re talking about the Limerick City Council, whose ineptitude is of epic magnitude. The Limerick City Council balked at every single alternative suggested and denied the band access to any of the alternatives. Why so? Well, because they’re idiots.
But it doesn’t stop there. Oh no, the Limerick City Council never seem to shirk an opportunity to make idiots of themselves. Recently the band committee discovered a pile of rubble blocking the rear fire exit of the band room. The Limerick City Council had moved in the demolition guys without informing the band and the builder informed the band committee that it was only by sheer luck the room hadn’t been knocked. They were told by the council the room was empty. It contains shelves of sheet music, instruments, stands, etc, which would have been destroyed. An act of vandalism by the council was only avoided by sheer luck! The room is now due to be demolished next Tuesday the 18th of August.
They would have known there was valuable equipment in there had they checked to see if anyone was in there, for instance. Now I’m not one for inciting anything but I think a protest that stops said demolition is needed on Tuesday. Let the fat, self-serving maggots come down and address the protest so that we can call them on their ineptitude.

As I come close to the slow winding down of this blog, I thought it might be pertinent to spew forth some musings. The old Cap’n P would have seen the current economic climate as cannon fodder and would have been blasting away like a good’un. However, the current economic climate and the Irish government’s failure to deal with it in any effective way has just depressed me so much that I have struggled to write about it.
Two out of every twelve months of pillaging now goes to the government. Although my salary has increased, I’m actually poorer. How can that be? Yes, a million posts have been written about the causes of our current predicament and a lorry load of posts have been written about our government’s gargantuan incompetence in the face of utter ruin. We’re faced with the prospect of having to apply to the IMF, which would mean we would be stripped of any income except what we absolutely need to survive and still our government continues to take a giant shit on us.
Why?
Because they can. That’s why. Nobody is stopping them.
If I have to sit on a committee for this or that, it is considered part of my job and, as such, I am not paid a single extra cent for it. If a T.D is asked to chair a committee, they’re paid in the region of 20 grand for doing so - although I believe these kind hearted people are thinking about reducing this to ten thousand.
If I have to go to Dublin as part of my job, I get a return ticket, which I think is fair enough. A T.D can claim €50,000 unvouched expenses per year and it isn’t actually investigated until they go over double.
I’m entitled to 25 days annual leave per year. A T.D gets half the year off and the rest of time scratching his or her arse.
If I show gross incompetence in my job, I get sacked. T.Ds who have consistently shown an inability to do anything except pick their noses, keep their jobs, their many perks and their smug fucking grins.

In the last general election, we had the chance to get these useless fuckers out and we did nothing about it. We all know they’re incompetent. We all know that, despite being in the grip of a major recession, they’re still at pains to ensure that themselves and they’re crooked developer friends and bankers all get off Scot free and no worse off. In a way, you’d almost welcome the IMF. If they were to come in and slash the government’s wages by 95%, I’d be laughing my fucking socks off.
Millions of words have been written and spoken about the abject incompetence of our government and yet they continue to strangle us. We complain, they ignore. We talk sense; they spin as if they can convince us that we’re insane. If you are the type of person who is insulted when someone tells a Paddy joke, wake up. We are a fucking joke. We have allowed a succession of fucking criminals to govern us and, despite failure upon failure upon calamity; we still keep fucking doing it. The country is riddled with nepotism and fucking cronyism and yet we smile and go into hock for cars and houses that keep our social status nice and crispy. We’re a fucking joke.
Our dole queues are exploding and still we have two fucking T.Ds who do not hold drivers licences getting in excess of €40,000.00 in mileage expenses. See what I mean? Fucking joke!
Did you hear about the Paddy who had a job?
Yeah, he was Brian Cowan.
We have a leader whose salary per year is €80,000.00 more than the President of America. We are paying a fat, sulky, fucking dickhead to run our country into the fucking ground.
Don’t go praying for a revolution, because it’ll never come. We have put up with this fucking shit for years. Just take a look at who they take the money off in times of trouble apart from the average working slob:
Pensioners.
The Health Service.
Lower paid council workers.
All of this and they take a fucking token reduction and complain about it. They get another committee together to protect their fucking expenses. Legal aid solicitors make upwards of €600,000 per year for defending scumbags who should not pass fucking go. I know one of these fucking pricks and he has a very good reason for defending drug dealers as he’s shoved half of Columbia up his fucking nose during the eighties and nineties and probably still does today. We protect our criminals because someday, although it’s severely doubtful, the gavel may fall on the government. What does that make us? Yeah, that’s right; a fucking joke.

This Link will take you to another moron’s site. I must apologise for directing you to so many of these morons but this one is particularly entertaining as the author aludes to a previous post of mine in which I called the Irish Savant an idiot. I’m confused by this author though. It seems that he/she is defending the racist wanker that is the Irish Savant, yet the name of the blog is Stop The Invasion of Oregon, which surely makes this person a native of Oregon which, naturally must mean they are a native American Indian. Now why a Native American Indian defend a racist dipshit like the Irish Savant? The only conclusion you could come to is that this person is indeed an idiot.
I must warn you that the mumblings of this moron are vile, racist shit. I hate to be the one to drive traffic on to this site but it might be worth your while to drop by and remind this knuckle-dragging dipshit of their idiocy. I’m accused of being a violent, vegan brown shirt on this blog. I must admit that’s a new one on me and I nearly spat out my kitten burger when I saw it.

I’m going to be winding this blog up soon, putting the Thirsty Kipper into dry dock and all that palaver. Oh it’ll still take up it’s paltry bandwidth until my hosts decide otherwise but I won’t be contributing to it anymore. I’ll be moving on, hanging up the cutlass, eyepatch and peg leg and starting something new and deranged, but I’m afraid it’s time to kill off the Cap’n. If any of you have suggestions as to how he should die, let me know - fuck it, I’m really leaving myself open on that one.
The ol foul mouthed, bitter and twisted Cap’n has had some true adventures along the way and has met some people he likes to think of as his ship mates. Bock, Cap’n Dyke, Hangar Queen, Savannah, Darwin, Limerick Gal, Problem Childe Bride and many others and he’ll carry fond memories on his way down to Davey Jones’ locker.
He has also met some truly fucking horrible shitheads along the way. Irish Savant, for one, is a needless waste of oxygen who, along with his moronic small minded, fuck their cousins, dickhead friends, should just take a short walk off a long drop.
While the Cap’n still lives, there’s a couple of things I want to get done.
I’ll be letting you all know soon what I’m on about.

Sometimes you just have to hand it to Radiohead… so…er… I will then

Radiohead do Bond

Radiohead do Neil Young

Radiohead do The Smiths

Radiohead do Joy Dvision

Thom Yorke doing gorgeous

Well folks, it seems that I have become a shadow of my former shadow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a fat fucker but I’m now 5lbs lighter than I was before I started this torture diet.
Though the experience began as a torturous and horrible affair, I’ve figured something out. If you like bread - and by like I mean you crave, desire and need bread at least seven times a day - then you’re probably addicted to it. I’ve also figured out that diets are fucking crap. It’s all a load of bollox. If you’re overweight, you just need to crack a few habits.
For example, I’ve completely given up bread and, though I’m 77% more miserable than I was when I started, I’m not building much fat up. If someone gives you a diet sheet, just tear it up, stuff in their mouth and tape it in place for fear they talk any more bollox to you.
I didn’t feel right unless I cleared my over burdened plate. I now eat what I need to eat and much less of it. I’ve discovered that, if I don’t feel hungry, I don’t need to eat. It may sound simple but it’s been a fucking revelation to me.
So there you have it. I’m nowhere near to giving Kate Moss a run for her money but my shoes are slightly happier at the moment.